The three gates

What are the three rules before you speak?

The great Sufi poet, Rumi, believed that before we speak our words should pass through three gates.
- At the first gate, ask yourself, “Is it true?”
- At the second gate ask, “Is it necessary?”
- At the third gate ask, “Is it kind?”

““Before you speak, listen.
Before you write, think.
Before you spend, earn.
Before you invest, investigate.
Before you criticise, wait.
Before you pray, forgive.
Before you quit, try.
Before you retire, save.
Before you die, give.””
— William Arthur Ward

Mental toughness

When we tie our identity to external achievements, we actually become more fragile, not stronger. The brain interprets failure as a threat, for example, if I don’t reach this goal, I’m not good enough, and this triggers a stress response.

True resilience comes from knowing you are secure in who you are, regardless of whether you win or lose. It still hurts when things don’t go your way and that’s human. I think that instead of getting stuck in “protect mode,” try shifting your mind into “learning and growth mode.” One simple and powerful way to do that? Spend time with people who lift you up. Social connection releases oxytocin, which calms the brain and helps you recover faster from setbacks.

Everything has a season

As a coach I don’t take responsibility for the outcome as that belongs to the client. I’m not a performance or outcome-only coach, as AI is better at that, for example:
“How to make a plan.”
“Here’s a checklist.”
“Here’s how to do X, Y and Z.”

For me, coaching is about human connection. It’s about creating a space where we can be vulnerable, reflective, and curious. A space to explore what gets in the way when we are navigating the situations we find ourselves in.

If any of this resonates, you are welcome to book a complimentary 30-minute discovery call to explore how coaching can support your journey. Link here

““More is lost by indecision than wrong decision. Indecision is the thief of opportunity.””
— ​Marcus Tullius Cicero

Why they choose me?

I often meet leaders who feel siloed, they are successful on the surface, yet deeply isolated in their roles. It’s not that they don’t have people around them; it’s that they have no safe space to think out loud.

They can’t talk openly at home, because after a long day at the office, the last thing their spouse wants to hear about is another work crisis. They can’t speak up to the board or the C-suite, because vulnerability at that level is often misunderstood as weakness. And they can’t confide in their peers, who are managing their own pressures and politics. Managing down isn’t an option either as no leader wants to offload their worries onto the people who report to them.

So where does that leave them? Alone, carrying the full weight of responsibility without a space to process it.

That’s where coaching comes in. Once a leader steps into a coaching space, they finally have room to pause, unpack, and think clearly, without judgement or expectation. It’s a place to explore ideas, challenge assumptions, and reconnect with the values that make them the kind of leader people want to follow.

Many of the leaders I work with want to use their authority in a way that supports both their teams and themselves. They want to lead with strength and compassion, to deliver results while remaining approachable. To be good at what they do, and still be a good person.

Executive coaching helps them achieve that balance. It allows leaders to step back from constant performance mode, to regain perspective, and to lead with clarity and authenticity again. If any of this resonates, you are welcome to book a complimentary 30-minute discovery call to explore how coaching can support your leadership journey. Link here

Knowledge is an insight

We have all been socialised to provide value, to share our wisdom and knowledge to make things easier for others. And I think that this instinct can be hard to let go of. As a coach, I have had to push my ego aside and remember that my role isn’t about what I know. Interestingly, the ICF recently updated their Core Competencies, changing the language from “sharing knowledge” to “sharing insights.” It’s a subtle but meaningful shift, one that highlights how coaching is less about teaching and more about creating space for awareness.

Now I have started approaching it this way: Here’s some knowledge I have gained, and this is how I learned it. What do you think about it? That simple change invites reflection instead of direction. What do you think?

Nature knows best

Do you tie your sense of identity to your achievements?

Many high performers do, often without realising it. Promotions, recognition, and external success can become the markers we use to measure our worth. Research shows that when we prioritise the external over the internal, our wellbeing suffers. I think the drive for achievement can easily blur into anxiety, self-doubt, and fear of falling short.

That inner voice , the one that questions your ability or tells you to hold back, often speaks loudest when you are stretching yourself. Yet, those same moments can be opportunities to grow. Learning to recognise and work with that voice, rather than against it, is one of the most powerful shifts you can make as a leader.

With the right tools, it’s possible to reframe stress from something threatening to something that signals growth, a challenge you can rise to and learn from. If this feels familiar, you are welcome to book a complimentary 30-minute discovery call to explore how coaching can help you strengthen your mindset and reclaim a healthier relationship with achievement. Book me…

““Never complain. Never explain.””
— Benjamin Disraeli

Growth is not linear

You don’t grow in comfort. You grow in chaos. The pressure that’s breaking you now, that’s the same pressure that will make you unstoppable. So, when you are thinking that it can’t get any worse, it isn’t the end, it’s just the rebuild. The moment life forces you to let go of what no longer serves you is the moment something stronger begins to take form. Most people quit when it hurts, but the chosen ones walk throughout the fire until their purpose starts to glow. I think growth doesn’t announce itself, it refines you quietly, through resistance, until one day you realise: the chaos didn’t break you. It built you.

If this resonates with you, book a complimentary 30-minute discovery session with me via this link.

The paradox of success

I think as your status and power grow, so do pressure and responsibility. True leadership means accepting this reality and learning to thrive under it. It’s essential to remember that genius and madness are linked, just like stress and success, love and loss are also intertwined. You cannot separate reward from risk. Embrace the duality, and you will build the resilience that great leaders are made of.

If this resonates with you, book a complimentary 30-minute discovery session with me via this link.

A seat at the table

What does DEI look like in the workplace?

I think DEI is really this casual term used to describe the various, strategies, initiatives, programs, policies, etc., that foster representation and participation of individuals from a variety of backgrounds. From my experience over the years, I have identified 6 focus areas that DEI work falls under:

1.    Leadership Engagement - Do your leaders, walk the talk or is it just lip service? What are your leadership expectations and inclusive best practices.

2.    Communication - How does your company embed DEI into your internal and external interactions?

3.    Recruiting - How do you evolve your mindsets, practices, partnerships that we use to attract talent?

4.    Data and Impact - How do you establish a useable dataset both quantitative and qualitative that you can use to make really informed decisions and identify solutions to problem solve or troubleshoot inequities?

5.    Employee Enablement - How do you establish shared ownership and fostering inclusive and equitable workplaces?

6.    Employee Development - How does your company ensure that all employees have equitable access to resources, training, etc., to further develop their careers?

In my opinion the vast majority of DEI will fall into one or more of these categories. And what is imperative in DEI work is a strong emphasis on change management and organisational development.

Understanding persuasion and change

The benefit of persuasion is its flexibility: if you have a strong reason not to be persuaded, you can simply disregard it. Persuasion is organic, contrasting with the more rigid approaches found in legislation and economics, which function like physics. I mean input in one area leads to a predictable output elsewhere. Organic change, fostered by persuasion, evolves naturally, while Newtonian change relies on direct cause and effect.

The fear of mistakes

Many people experience anxiety about making mistakes, often driven by longstanding habits or traditions. The status quo, “this is the way we have done it for years and we have to keep doing it this way” can reinforce the fear of failure. I think what truly troubles us is not just the possibility of failure itself, but the discomfort of admitting to ourselves that something we tried did not work as intended.

““Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are.””
— Brent Brown

The inner voice of doubt

Everyone carries a persistent inner voice that whispers doubts, suggesting we are fraudulent in our pursuits. This feeling of shame acts as a barrier to creative expression, stifling our willingness to take risks. When shame is paired with resistance, it can become a significant obstacle, making progress even more difficult.

I think instead of fighting against shame and resistance, the key is to acknowledge these emotions and use them as guidance. For some, resistance signals that they are moving in the right direction. Rather than avoiding uncomfortable feelings, embracing them and proceeding regardless can lead to moments of true growth and innovation. This is where the magic happens.

If this message resonates with you, I invite you to book a complimentary 30-minute discovery session with me via this link.

You own this

If you are easily offended, you are easily manipulated. The real question is: How do I handle what comes at me?

There’s a big difference between being reactive and being responsive. I think reactive means: “He did this to me, so I’m going to react.” And, “It’s not my fault I blew up; he said that.” In this mode, you give away your power. On the otherhand, responsive means: “He did something, I feel it, I process it, I regulate it, and then I choose how to respond.” I think in this mode, you own your emotions, your choices, and your power.

When you learn to respond instead of react, you stop letting others control your state and start leading yourself. If this message resonates with you, I invite you to book a complimentary 30-minute discovery session with me via this link.

This is a breakthrough

How someone treats you reflects their capacity, not your worth. When someone mistreats you or acts unkindly, it’s never truly about you, it’s about them, their state, and where they are in their own growth.

Once you understand that, something shifts. You stop giving others so much power over your emotions, your peace, and your life. You begin to let go. It’s not even about forgiveness anymore, not of them, and not of yourself. It’s about seeing things clearly for what they were. And in that clarity, you find freedom.

If this message resonates with you, I invite you to book a complimentary 30-minute discovery session with me via this link.

The takeaways

At the Brotherhood for Professional of Color (BPoC), we are an inclusive community where shared experiences spark meaningful and thought-provoking conversations (both in person and online). Think of BPoC as your partner in the room: a space where your voice, ideas, and perspectives matter.

I hope you leave today’s session with a thought or insight that continues to inspire reflection and exploration. Today was an invitation to notice, to stay curious, and to engage with how your international colleagues and neighbours show up every day. Bringing their unique stories, strengths, and ways of being to our shared spaces is gift to the Danish society.

““We must become the change we seek.””
— Ghandi

We are all biased

c/o BOLD community

We are all biased, none of us can be 100% neutral. It’s not a bad thing, it’s not a negative, it’s part of our own uniqueness. Obviously we don’t want to be judgemental. It’s always healthy to ask: What do I believe in? And why do I believe it? My mentor calls these beliefs “family heirlooms” – the ideas and messages we inherited from our upbringing. Some of them we want to keep and others we might want to let go. I think this awareness gives us a choice.

Step into your power

Are you afraid of making a mistake?

The status quo often sounds like: “This is the way we’ve always done it, so we have to keep doing it this way.” At its core, this is really about the fear of failure, the fear of having to admit that something didn’t work. Many of us carry a quiet voice that whispers, “You’re a fraud,” but shame is the real creativity killer. When shame and resistance join forces, progress stalls. The key isn’t to fight them, it’s to acknowledge them and use them as your compass. I think when resistance shows up, I know I’m on the right path as that tension tells me I’m about to grow. So, instead of running from it, I lean in because that’s where the magic happens.

Check in - Check out

I recently heard someone say that no one gets fired for being rational, they get fired for being creative. Does this mean that a rational decision comes with an insurance policy attached, as it’s safe, predictable, and easy to justify. I think that’s why it’s easier to sell to rational decision-makers: you can show them numbers, even if the advice itself isn’t all that good. In a world where we can connect with anyone, anywhere what’s really stopping you from surrounding yourself with people who are interesting, generous, and kind?

““The question is not what you look at, but what you see.””
— Henry David Thoreau

And what else?

Where are mistakes being made because people are being too rational?

If your business has the independence to make decisions without endless justification, there’s an enormous opportunity here. Look for the places where your competitors are applying rationality where it doesn’t belong, as that’s exactly where you should experiment with being irrational. You won’t always succeed, but when you do, the impact can be extraordinary because the overuse of numerical measures, mathematical models, and rigid logic in areas that demand intuition, empathy, and creativity is one of the greatest sources of inefficiency in modern business. I think sometimes, the most strategic move is to think less like a spreadsheet, and more like a human.