Standing in the background

What is the unseen pain of being the backbone of other people’s fame?

It is rarely experienced in the spotlight. It lives in the background, where one is described as the beam that holds the structure together. Value becomes defined by reliability and constant presence, and over time, that reliability hardens into expectation. Some of the most essential figures in culture are not those we watch, but those we lean on without noticing. They build the foundations on which others stand, often at the cost of their own visibility, rest, and longevity.

What a wonderful world

How would the world change if we were more understanding of prejudice and stereotyping, and less tolerant of racism?

I think we would begin to recognise that prejudice and stereotyping are often rooted in ignorance and lived experience rather than malice. Racism, by contrast, is intentional and harmful. Yet we frequently treat prejudice and stereotyping as though they will inevitably metastasise into racism, rather than addressing them with curiosity and education. As a result, we cross the street before we need to, shutting down dialogue and learning before it has a chance to occur.

Celebrating differences

In my experience, organisations stall when inclusion feels risky or undefined. Progress accelerates when leaders commit first, assess where they truly are, and ground the work in a shared reflection on why belonging matters now. Starting there allows the conversation to move beyond permission and into purpose, creating a strong bridge into the DOQ framework and sustainable change.

Time out

As I have grown older, I have become less concerned with the opinions of others. Too many people today are living their lives through the expectations, judgments, and projections of those around them. We see individuals performing versions of themselves rather than showing up authentically, often amplified by virtue signalling and curated identities on social media.

When I worked in the lifestyle industry, I used to tell my children that my role was to sell and market the dream to clients, not to live inside it myself. That distinction mattered. It taught me the importance of discernment and of separating external narratives from personal truth. Why should I allow myself to be shaped by the opinions of people around the world who do not know me, yet feel entitled to dictate how I should live my life?

Alfa Munk

Copenhagen is a wonderful city because of the incredible people who live here. However, loneliness and social division are increasing, and the connections that hold communities together are under pressure. Our sense of social cohesion is being tested in new ways. When people have fewer opportunities to meet, mix, and understand one another, it becomes harder to build trust across different backgrounds. Community spaces can play a vital role in addressing this by providing places to come together, share experiences, and seek advice and support. For many years, community centres were at the heart of neighbourhoods across Copenhagen, and I want to help restore that sense of belonging and shared purpose.

A rare convergence

The Chinese New Year (welcoming the Year of the Horse) began yesterday, and on the same day millions of people observed the first day of Ramadan on the Islamic calendar. It also marked Ash Wednesday, the start of Lent in the Christian tradition. This rare alignment of cultural and spiritual observances, each rooted in reflection, renewal, discipline, and intention. Highlighting how different communities around the world enter a period of inward focus and fresh beginnings at the same time.

Seeing yourself

Reality can be understood like a mirror: there is an image and there is a reflection. You cannot change the reflection directly, but you can change the image that produces it. In my work, I often use this metaphor to describe the relationship between the mind and lived experience. The reflection represents your life, while the image represents your mind. What you consistently think, believe, and attend to is what becomes expressed outwardly.

To change what is reflected, you first need to understand how the mind operates. I think of the human mind as functioning across three dimensions. The first is the conscious level, where we perceive and interpret the world through our senses. The second is the subconscious level, where core beliefs and patterns are shaped by experience, upbringing, and culture. The third is a field of potential, a space of possibility where different outcomes can emerge depending on what we attend to and reinforce.

Why suffer in silence?

Where are the support structures for men?

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognise, name, and regulate your own emotions, and then communicate them in healthy and constructive ways. Many men struggle to express emotions beyond anger or sadness, not because they lack depth, but because they have been socialised to suppress their inner experiences and were never given the language to reflect on them. This emotional silence is harmful, both to men themselves and to the relationships they try to build with others. In this context, the growing loneliness epidemic is not surprising. I think now is the time to acknowledge that being human includes vulnerability, and that it is both acceptable and necessary.

If this resonates with you and you want to explore how emotional intelligence can support your personal or professional growth, contact me via email to book a complimentary discovery call.

What goes around comes around

Photograph of Slim Galliard - Dave Swindells ©

What you practise in private inevitably shows in public. The books you read reveal themselves in conversation, discipline reveals itself as confidence, focus becomes visible through results, and diet is reflected in your energy. I think ultimately, you are shaped by what you consistently cultivate when no one is watching.

Frederiksberg Toastmasters

Many high performers pursue belonging through achievement, status, or approval and I think this strategy can deliver results, but it rarely delivers security. Fitting in becomes a performance. Approval becomes the metric. Over time, authenticity narrows. True belonging operates differently, it requires self-acceptance first as without it, even success feels conditional.

In coaching conversations, this theme surfaces often. I have witnessed that highly competent and respected leaders privately question whether they are enough without the performance. Belonging is not built through perfection, it is built through congruence. The level of self-acceptance sets the ceiling for the level of belonging a leader can experience, both personally and within their teams.

Interested in hearing more?
I’ll be speaking at Vesterbro Library, Liva 2.1 · Lyrskovgade 4, 1758 Kbh. V from 11am. Alternatively, book a complimentary meeting via this link.

Putting ourselves out there

As Brené Brown writes in her book, Daring Greatly from 2015:

“We are psychologically, emotionally, cognitively and spiritually hardwired for connection, love and belonging. Connection, along with love and belonging, is why we are here, and it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives… Belonging is the innate human desire to be part of something larger than us. Because this yearning is so primal, we often try to acquire it by fitting in and by seeking approval, which are not only hollow substitutes for belonging, but often barriers to it. Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”

I think this has direct implications for leadership.

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Creating value

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In my experience, you bring a presence that has a calming effect on others, which is a powerful quality in uncertain and demanding environments. At the same time, I believe you cannot create anything of real value without holding both self-doubt and self-belief. Self-doubt keeps you questioning, refining, and avoiding complacency. Self-belief gives you the conviction to act and persist as without doubt, you risk stagnation. I think that without belief, you hesitate and never fully commit, and meaningful work requires the discipline to live with both.

The memory remains

When you are in a leadership position, even suggestions can be experienced as orders because power shapes how messages are received. Ultimately, decisions are made by those who hold the authority to make them, which brings responsibility, not entitlement. I think leadership is not about proving how smart, right, or impressive you are, but about using your position to make a positive difference. This requires humility and curiosity rather than the pretence of having all the answers. Trying to be something you are not erodes trust. Empathy also needs discernment: while it is often essential, applied without judgment it can sometimes hinder clarity and accountability.

“The one who fetches the water does not forget the path.” ”
— African proverb

Vital point

Image of Kirsten Klein (Holstebro Kunstmuseum)

Historically, movements such as abolitionism, the suffrage movement, and the Civil Rights movement were not funded by governments. They emerged in opposition to existing systems of power and oppression and were sustained largely through grassroots organising, private donations, and the support of individuals willing to use their resources, social standing, and influence to challenge the status quo. Progress depended on people who were prepared to accept personal risk in order to confront deeply entrenched injustice.

Clarify the issue

If you made a mistake, apologise.
If you are grateful, show it.
If you miss someone, connect with them.
If you are stuck, ask for help.
If you learn something new, teach it.
If you love someone, tell them, now.
If you are building a better future, invite others to join you.

““The most meaningful way to succeed is to help others succeed.””
— Adam Grant

The 8th habit

The biggest influence in life is habit, so I think to get better results one has to develop better habits. Have you read the Stephen Covey book, “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”? 


1. Be proactive
2. Begin with end in mind
3. Put first things first
4. Think win-win
5. Seek first to understand, then be understood
6. Synergise
7. Sharpen the saw
8. Inner self growth and development 

It's obvious

There are few skills more consistently rewarded with wealth and power than the ability to persuade people that their struggles are caused by others who are perceived to be more advanced. Rather than confronting complex structural issues or leadership failures, this narrative redirects frustration toward visible groups whose progress becomes framed as a threat. I think it’s a simple, emotionally effective tactic that trades nuance for blame, and while it can mobilise influence quickly, it does so at the cost of social cohesion, honesty, and long-term progress.
What do you think?

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The gift of time

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Am I simply a performance coach, or am I also a teacher?

For me, leadership is not about being the loudest voice in the room or having all the answers. It is what happens when you step back, speak less, and listen more, creating the conditions for others to think, learn, and lead. True leadership requires a willingness to empower teams with care and intention, rather than control. It also demands humility. If you cannot be challenged or corrected without becoming defensive or offended, meaningful growth becomes impossible. Growth, in leadership and in life, begins with the ability to listen, reflect, and adapt.

Overcoming expectations

The brain is constantly forecasting what should happen next, and our emotional response is shaped less by reality itself and more by whether reality confirms or violates those predictions. What we label as frustration or impatience is often the result of a prediction error rather than the event itself. When expectations shift, the emotional experience shifts with them, even if nothing in the external situation changes. Looking at this through the Daniel Kahneman lens, this is the interaction between fast, automatic interpretation and slower, more deliberate reframing. I think leaders who learn to manage expectations, rather than fight reality, gain greater emotional regulation and decision clarity.

NB: Daniel Kahneman (1934–2024) was a Nobel Prize-winning psychologist who authored the 2011 bestseller "Thinking, Fast and Slow”.