personal development

Coconuts fall at speed

Many organisations take credit for efficiency when, in reality, they are simply outsourcing work to the customer. Increasingly, the work we do online involves verification: proving that we are who we say we are. Technology often arrives as an option and gradually becomes an obligation. What was introduced to make life easier can end up creating more work for the very people it was supposed to serve.

I think there are certain decisions that benefit from human contact. Sometimes, we need to look someone in the eyes or, at the very least, hear their voice. There is something about human interaction that allows us to establish trust, read the situation and make a more informed judgement. As the West Indian proverb goes: “Trust grows at the speed of a coconut tree and falls at the speed of a coconut.”

There is a profound asymmetry between the time it takes to build trust and the time it takes to destroy it. Trust may be difficult to quantify, yet that does not make it any less valuable. Its benefits show up in the quality of our relationships, the decisions we make, the risks we are willing to take and the confidence we place in one another. Perhaps the challenge is that we often measure what is easy to count and overlook what makes things work. Just because trust is difficult to measure does not mean it is difficult to recognise when it is missing.

Professional etiquette

We are constantly told to bring our whole selves to work, but the reality is that, whether we realise it or not, every workplace has rules of engagement. There are unspoken expectations about how we communicate, how we behave, how we build relationships, and how we present ourselves. The challenge is that many people are never taught these rules. And this is where etiquette matters. I am not talking about knowing which knife and fork to use at dinner, when to send a thank you note, or when to stand up and shake someone’s hand, although these things can still matter in the right context, particularly when you are client-facing.

I am talking about professional etiquette as a tool for navigating people, relationships, and situations with confidence. For example:
How do you introduce yourself?
How do you enter a room?
How do you communicate with someone more senior than you?
How do you disagree without creating unnecessary friction?
How do you build trust with a client or colleague?
How do you make a strong first impression without pretending to be someone you are not?
These skills can have a significant impact on how others perceive us and, ultimately, on the opportunities available to us. Interested? Contact me via this link for a complimentary discovery call.

I am what I am

I recently asked my partner what advice she would give to her younger self. Her answer was simple: “This too shall pass.” Beautiful. It made me think about what advice I would give to my younger self:

  1. Own your power.

  2. Be comfortable taking risks.

  3. It is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.

  4. Never dim your light to make someone else feel more comfortable.

  5. Celebrate your victories.

  6. Don't be afraid of making mistakes.

  7. Enjoy every moment. Life is a journey, not a destination.

  8. This is not a dress rehearsal, so make sure you go for it.

I think the most important lesson I have learned: When you empower others, you don't diminish your own power, you multiply it. Your success does not have to come at someone else's expense. When you create space for others to grow, succeed and use their own strengths, you amplify your own impact in the process. We often think success is about how much we can achieve ourselves, perhaps the greater measure is how many other people become more successful because we were willing to empower them.

““Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” ”
— John 8:32

Encourage individuals

I hear repeatedly from people who remain in unhealthy or toxic relationships because they have convinced themselves that this is the best they can do. Not because they are weak, but because their experiences have taught them to lower their expectations and they begin to see respect as something to be earned. Kindness becomes a luxury and boundaries feel selfish, and being mistreated becomes something they believe they have to accept. This is one of the cruelest things difficult experiences can do: they can make you question your own value rather than the behaviour of the person causing the harm. Remember learned patterns can be challenged.

Never tolerate disrespect

Trauma has a way of convincing us that disrespect and pain are the price we have to pay to feel safe, loved or accepted. I think that just because you have learned to endure something does not mean you have to keep enduring it. When your experiences tell you, over and over again, that your needs don't matter, you can begin to believe them. You may internalise the idea that your worth is conditional, that you are worthy of love, acceptance or belonging only when you stay quiet, accommodate others or tolerate more than you should. And over time, this can profoundly affect the way you see yourself and what you believe you deserve.

I find it helpful

We are all sharing the same planet, so if we are not here to make things better for the people we lead, the organisations we serve, and the communities we belong to, then what exactly are we here for?

““All my life I have found reassurance in the countryside; have found sorrows and anxieties benefitting from a walk through a meadow. Pleasant sights, sounds, smells, to take my mind off its particular worry, as refreshing and restoring as a cool drink on a hot day.” ”
— C.R. Milne

Confidence comes from service

I think that one of the most effective ways to become a more confident speaker is to stop making the presentation about yourself. Many people worry about how they look, whether they sound intelligent, or what the audience is thinking about them. The irony is that the more we focus on ourselves, the more self-conscious we become. Instead, shift your attention to the people in front of you. Ask yourself:
a) How can I help?
b) What value can I provide?
c) What do they need to hear today?

When your focus moves from seeking approval to serving others, your confidence naturally begins to grow. You become more present, you listen more carefully, and your communication becomes more authentic because your attention is on the audience rather than your own performance. The same principle applies in everyday conversations as people who make others feel heard are often perceived as confident, not because they dominate the discussion, but because they are genuinely interested. Curiosity creates connection, and connection builds trust.

Confidence is rarely something we discover overnight. It is something we develop through learning, preparation, and repeated practice. The more we focus on creating value for others, the less we worry about how we are being perceived. In my experience, confidence is not about having all the answers. It is about showing up with the intention to help.

““To be interesting, be genuinely interested.””
— Burrellism

The 20 hour rule

One of the biggest barriers to learning a new skill is believing it will take years before we become competent. Author Josh Kaufman challenges this assumption through what he calls the 20-Hour Rule. While it may take thousands of hours to achieve world-class expertise, it takes far less time to become capable and functional. Around twenty hours of focused, deliberate practice is often enough to develop a solid foundation in a new skill.

I think many people never begin because they focus on the size of the mountain rather than the next step in front of them. Whether it is coaching, public speaking, strategic thinking, or learning a new language, progress begins with the willingness to start. Do not let the pursuit of mastery prevent you from becoming competent. Remember the first twenty hours often make all the difference.

Book: “The First 20 Hours: How to Learn Anything ... Fast” - Josh Kaufman

Calmness of mind

c/o Vivi An

A calm spirit is intentional about where it invests its energy, attention, and care. These resources are finite, and over time we learn that not everything deserves equal access to them. I think calmness teaches us to let go with grace, as it reminds us that endings do not diminish our worth, and that rejection is not a measure of our value. Whether someone chooses us or overlooks us does not change who we are.

In fact true self-worth comes from something deeper. It is reflected in our integrity, our character, and the way we treat others when no one is watching. It is found in our ability to rise after disappointment, learn from experience, and continue growing despite setbacks. Life will always bring moments of uncertainty, loss, and change. The challenge is not to avoid them, but to remain grounded through them. When we do, we discover that our value was never dependent on external validation, it was within us all the time.

Nobody can be you but you

How would you like people to describe you when you are not in the room?

Many of the most significant decisions that shape your career are made when you are not present. Decisions relating to compensation, promotion opportunities, high-profile assignments, and leadership potential are often discussed and determined in rooms where you do not have a seat at the table. Therefore, I think the question should be: What do people say about you when you are not there to speak for yourself?

Choose three adjectives that you would want others to use when describing you in your absence. Identifying the three qualities you want to be known for helps you build a deliberate professional reputation and ensures your actions consistently reinforce the perception you want others to have of you.

Pick your metrics carefully

When was the last time you conducted an honest audit of yourself?

Are you investing too much of your time and energy into what is easy to measure, rather than what truly matters? If so, you may be overlooking some of the most meaningful aspects of both your personal and professional life. The challenge is that the most valuable outcomes are often the hardest to quantify, for example, trust, judgment, relationships, and long-term impact.

“What gets measured gets managed” is only part of the equation. Without the right metrics, you risk managing what is visible rather than what is important. I think effective leadership requires a broader lens, one that balances measurable performance with less tangible, and equally critical, indicators of success.

Raising self-awareness

Do you have the discipline to focus on what you can control?

Your attitude, your actions, and your effort are within your control. There will be moments when life tests your patience, when you are working hard and seeing little reward. I think it’s important to remember that seeds planted in good soil do not grow overnight. Progress is often happening beneath the surface, long before it becomes visible. Where are you trusting the process right now?

Confirmation bias

We all form early impressions about people and situations. The question is not whether we do it, but how aware we are of what follows. Once that first impression is in place, we tend to notice the information that confirms it, while overlooking what challenges it. This pattern, known as confirmation bias, can quietly shape how we listen, interpret, and respond to others.

Questions:

  • What assumptions did I make in this moment?

  • What might I be missing?

  • How would my perspective shift if I actively looked for disconfirming evidence?

I think in order to create a more inclusive workplace usually starts with slowing down these automatic patterns and choosing curiosity over certainty. What do you think?

You do not grow in comfort

Growth rarely happens in moments of ease. You are going to be broken, all your possessions are going to be stripped away - your comfort, your pride, your plans - until all what’s left is real. These moments may feel like setbacks, yet they often serve as powerful training grounds for personal development. I think painful moments, disappointments, and setbacks can become catalysts for growth when we choose to learn from them. Over time, these experiences shape us. Piece by piece, they strengthen our character, deepen our understanding, and prepare us to carry greater responsibility and purpose.

Clarify the issue

If you made a mistake, apologise.
If you are grateful, show it.
If you miss someone, connect with them.
If you are stuck, ask for help.
If you learn something new, teach it.
If you love someone, tell them, now.
If you are building a better future, invite others to join you.

““The most meaningful way to succeed is to help others succeed.””
— Adam Grant

The time is now

Stop comparing your behind-the-scenes to everyone else’s highlight reel. What you see is their success, not their struggle. Their wins, not their failures. The final draft, not the rough attempts that came before it. Your journey is yours, shaped by your timing, your context, and your work. Their journey belongs to them. Comparison drains joy and quietly undermines progress, pulling focus away from what actually matters: staying committed to your own path.

What comes naturally?

Change does not happen through logic alone. You cannot think your way out of a feeling, but you can feel your way into new patterns of thought. Emotions that are not processed remain stored in the nervous system, influencing behaviour beneath conscious awareness. I think much of what we do is automatic, driven by predictions based on past experiences. When you change the inputs, you change what the brain expects, and in doing so, you expand what becomes possible.

Vary your behaviour

I could live in any time, in any country, or on any planet and still be fine, because the inner reality creates the outer form. When your inner world aligns with your thoughts, beliefs, and self-concept, you stop reacting to life and start shaping it. The universe does not care what year you are in, what country you live in, or what chaos surrounds you, because you are the constant, and your energy is the constant. The universe bears no ill to me, and I bear no ill to it. That is inner peace and alignment. When you stop resisting and start receiving, energy responds accordingly. If your reality feels out of sync, the work is not outward but inward, recalibrating there is how you take your power back.

A deeper dive into self

Sometimes the questions are more important than the answers as they keep curiosity alive. It is difficult to know what you want when you have never had the space to understand who you are. Many people grow up in environments where self-discovery is limited. Others spend years in survival mode, moving through life without the time or safety to ask themselves deeper questions.

A simple place to begin is to take five minutes each day to reflect and ask yourself: What did I enjoy about today? What felt good? Why did it matter to me? Name the experience, explore it, and go into detail. Small daily reflections like this begin to form the building blocks of self-awareness. I think with time, those blocks become the foundation for clarity, confidence, and intentional action.

Step into your power

Are you afraid of making a mistake?

The status quo often sounds like: “This is the way we’ve always done it, so we have to keep doing it this way.” At its core, this is really about the fear of failure, the fear of having to admit that something didn’t work. Many of us carry a quiet voice that whispers, “You’re a fraud,” but shame is the real creativity killer. When shame and resistance join forces, progress stalls. The key isn’t to fight them, it’s to acknowledge them and use them as your compass. I think when resistance shows up, I know I’m on the right path as that tension tells me I’m about to grow. So, instead of running from it, I lean in because that’s where the magic happens.