coaching

A short conversation

We are constantly sensing, and we pick up data, watch, and read a broad range of variables, for example, behaviours, semantics, language. From that sensing we move into action, and this work calls on us to be grounded in our state of being. There is a lot to do, and I think that state of mind, regulation, presence and coherence matter a great deal.

A snippet from a conversation on Friday:
It takes just one person giving me a wrong look, and I’m already in “they really hate me” land. Have you been there? The next ten minutes go to self-loathing, which feeds my story that I’m a loser. Am I the only one? Perhaps I need a coach 🙂

In moments like these, we get derailed. That is when self-regulation matters most: in the moment, as it happens. If this resonates with you, book a complimentary discovery session via this link, and let’s explore what support could look like for you.

To get better

If you want to get better, I think three things are essential: courage, humility and discipline.

1.  Courage
Have the courage to ask for feedback and genuinely listen to what you hear. Getting better requires a willingness to look in the mirror regularly and see yourself as you actually are, not simply as you would like to be. Feedback can be uncomfortable because it can challenge the story we have about ourselves. Remember that without honest reflection, it is difficult to know what needs to change.

2.  Humility
I cannot help perfect people get better, so if you are already perfect, you do not need a coach. In fact, you probably do not need anybody. The reality is that none of us has the complete picture of ourselves as there will always be blind spots, assumptions and behaviours that other people can see more clearly than we can. Humility is being open to the possibility that there is always more to learn.

3.  Discipline
Insight alone does not create improvement, you will also have the discipline to do the work. Getting better is the result of an accumulation of small actions repeated consistently. The conversations you keep having, the behaviours you keep practising, and the commitments you keep honouring, especially when nobody is watching.

I think courage helps you see what needs to change, humility allows you to accept that it needs to change and the discipline turns that awareness into action.

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Don't fall into that trap

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Are you using your power to strengthen your own position, or to develop the potential of others?

Leadership is not only about giving away your power, I think it’s also about being intentional about how you use it. The strongest leaders understand that their position gives them influence, access, authority and the ability to shape the environment in which others work. The question is what they do with that privilege. Do they use their power to make themselves indispensable, protect their position and ensure that decisions continue to flow through them? Or do they use it to create the conditions in which others can think, contribute, challenge, grow and lead?

When leaders create psychological safety, invite different perspectives and genuinely trust people with responsibility, they unlock something much greater than their own individual capability. They unlock the collective intelligence and potential of the entire team. That is where leadership becomes more than an individual responsibility. It becomes a shared capacity for learning, growth, innovation and impact. Your leadership is measured by what you achieve while you are in the room and by what other people become capable of doing because you were in it.

Are you aligned?

Are you aware of the power dynamics in your organisation?

As a leader, you hold a position of power and you can use that power to control, limit and protect your own authority. This may deliver short-term results and enable quick decision-making but in a crisis, a more directive approach can be exactly what is needed. If your ambition as a leader is to foster creativity, innovation, risk-taking, learning and growth, you need a different approach. You will need to be willing to share power, create space for different perspectives and empower others to take ownership.

This requires the courage to step back, the humility to recognise that you don't have all the answers, and the wisdom to understand that your success as a leader is not measured solely by what you achieve yourself. When you create the conditions for people to think independently, challenge assumptions, take considered risks and learn from mistakes, you unlock far more than your own capabilities.

““A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because its trust is not on the branch but on its own wings.””
— Anonymous
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Can you see the light?

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What does a leader need to be aware of to foster innovation and empower their team?

I think it starts with understanding that leadership is a never-ending learning journey. If you want to become a more transformational, inclusive or empathetic leader, you must be willing to do the work yourself. That means developing self-awareness, questioning your assumptions and understanding how your behaviour, decisions and use of power influence the people around you. The most effective leaders I have encountered throughout my career are those who actively develop leadership in others. They don't see leadership as something that belongs exclusively to them, instead, they create an environment where leadership becomes collective. Does this resonate? If so, contact me for a complimentary 30-minute discovery session and let’s explore how coaching could support you.

Safe spaces

Listen to what someone is saying, not only through their words, but through what may sit beneath them. Pay attention to the whole picture: their body language, facial expressions, tone, pauses and the subtle cues that can reveal what words alone may not communicate. Develop the ability to recognise different possibilities, anticipate potential outcomes and understand what may be driving the situation. Then, rather than reacting to the first interpretation that comes to mind, create enough space to choose the wisest course of action, one that protects your position, preserves the relationship and moves the situation forward. Does this resonate with you? If so, contact me for a complimentary 30-minute discovery session and let’s explore how coaching could support you.

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Second guessing

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Think about the cognitive load involved in constantly monitoring your body language, your tone of voice, your cultural references and your humour. Running a constant background calculation:
“Is this safe to say?”
“Will this make me stand out?”
“Will this mark me as ‘other’?”

That constant monitoring takes both mental and emotional energy. Energy that could otherwise be used to contribute, collaborate, solve problems, build relationships, be creative or simply do your job. Instead, it is spent managing how you are perceived. You are no longer simply participating in the environment, you are performing belonging. Contact me via this link for a complimentary discovery session.

The human touch

In a world that is rapidly changing, leadership is no longer only about authority. It is about empathy, emotional intelligence and mastering the art of guiding others. The journey from individual contributor to people leader can be challenging. As suddenly, success is no longer only about what you can achieve yourself. You now have to think about crafting a clear vision, building partnerships, developing relationships and creating the conditions for others to perform and grow.

You don't have to become the leader you think you are supposed to be. You can become the leader you desire to be, and that transition takes work. Sometimes you need someone outside the organisation to help you navigate it. An external thinking partner who can challenge your assumptions, help you build trust and support you as you learn how to nurture and lead your team. If this resonates with you, contact me via this link for a confidential discovery conversation.

What works for me

A few years ago Marshall Goldsmith inspired me to ask the following six questions at the end of each day.

  1. Did I do my best to set clear goals today?

  2. Did I do my best to achieve the goals I set?

  3. Did I do my best to find meaning in life today?

  4. Did I do my best to be happy today?

  5. Did I do my best to support and bring out the best in others today?

  6. Did I do my best to learn something about myself today?

No expectations

The insecure man feels threatened when another man succeeds, and the secure man is inspired by it. Which one are you?

I was raised secure, and my feminine values were encouraged rather than suppressed, and they became the foundation of how I lead and coach today. I think the same principle shows up in coaching itself. When someone chooses a coach, they are rarely moved by credentials, background, or methodology on their own. They are asking one question: what will this do for me? Will it change my career, my results, my life?

Studies suggest only 15% of buying behaviour is shaped by past experience. The other 85% is driven by the future someone can see for themselves. I think security works in the same way. It draws less from what you have already proven than from who you are becoming, and from not needing anyone else to be smaller for you to feel it.

““Thinking is difficult, that’s why most people judge.” ”
— Carl Jung

Participation in consciousness

There are plenty of ways to separate wealthy people from their money without making them feel bad about it. Status works differently as you cannot remove or reduce someone's status and leave them feeling better for it. I think the same holds true in disagreement. Diminishing someone's status will not change their mind, it only makes them defend it harder. If you want someone to think differently, you have to let them keep their standing while they do it. That's the quieter skill, in coaching, negotiation, and leadership alike: challenging the thinking without touching the person's sense of who they are. Contact me via this link if you are ready to move from grumble to gratitude.

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Test and validate

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I have a deep passion for challenging injustice, whether in the arts, politics or law. I have never been particularly motivated by money. For me, it has always been about people: using communication to challenge what is wrong, create understanding and help make things right. At the heart of it is a genuine desire to help others.

I think leadership starts with listening and understanding what people need, what matters to them and what they want to achieve. As a leader, you can use your skills and experience to guide, encourage and nurture people. However, much of leadership is about creating the conditions in which people feel motivated, supported and empowered to realise their potential.

““Madness is something rare in individuals, but in groups, parties, peoples, and ages, it is the rule.” ”
— Friedrich Nietzsche

The what, the how and the why

Some aspects of the human animal remain fundamentally mysterious. We are constantly searching for the why behind our thoughts, emotions and behaviours, yet sometimes, the answer is elusive, and perhaps it is not always necessary to find it. Instead, we could pay more attention to the what and the how. What is happening? How is it happening? What processes, experiences or circumstances might be contributing to it?

I think the why may be the deepest question because it asks us to make sense of what we observe. However, understanding why something happens often depends on first understanding what is happening and how it comes about. Maybe we don't always need to solve the mystery of why. Sometimes, understanding what is happening and how it unfolds is enough to help us decide what to do next.

Move with clarity

Transformation starts with becoming better prepared to navigate your own life. We all have ambitions, dreams and responsibilities. The challenge is finding the space to step back from them long enough to ask ourselves what really matters.

Stop, reflect and ask yourself:
Who am I becoming?
What do I really want?
What is holding me back?
What does living a purposeful life look like for me?

Sometimes we don't need more information. We need the space to think, reflect and become clearer about what we already know. Coaching can create that space, so if you are ready to live more intentionally, contact me via this link.

Empowering people

The better you become at human skills, the stronger the relationships you build with the people you coach. When people feel genuinely seen, heard and supported, that can lead to trust, loyalty and recommendations. I think it is often more fulfilling to give someone your time and energy than simply giving them money. Time, attention and genuine support can have a lasting impact.

The human dimension remains essential because AI can process information and support many aspects of our work at a speed and scale that humans cannot match. That is why I focus on the person, not just the problem. Change management is part of the solution, and sustainable change ultimately requires people to change how they think, behave and work with others.

““True teachers are those who use themselves as bridges over which they invite their students to cross; then, having facilitated their crossing, joyfully collapse, encouraging them to create their own.””
— Nikos Kazantzakis

Leadership is demonstrated through behaviour

The characteristics of a true leader are not defined by their job title. Leadership is demonstrated through the ability to influence, uplift, build trust and demonstrate vision and integrity. The best leaders also have the capacity to be vulnerable and human, and to recognise the unique qualities of others, particularly people who are different from themselves.

Your role does not define your leadership competence, your behaviour does. And leadership is something you can consciously and deliberately develop. It requires self-awareness, reflection and a willingness to examine how you show up and how others experience you. How you work with others is essential. How are you making sure your team understands what you do, what you expect, and the standards you want to maintain? Doing excellent work is important, and I think it’s only part of the equation. If you want to explore how you can develop your leadership presence, behaviour and impact, book a discovery session here.

Keep on moving

Human capital is increasingly important to organisational performance, and the investment we make in people matters. As a coach, you often see things that people may not yet recognise in themselves. Sometimes I encourage people to start a coaching journey before they actually feel they need one. Why wait until there is a problem before you start developing the capacity to deal with it?

It is the same with relationships. You build relationships before you need them. You build trust before you need it. You develop yourself before the pressure arrives. In that sense, sales is a prevention profession. You cannot wait until you need the relationship to start building it. You cannot reap if you have not sown. The knowledge is already there. The question is whether we are prepared to do the work before we need the results. Preparation is not something you do when the pressure arrives. Preparation is what allows you to meet the pressure when it does.

Measuring the impact of coaching

What are we actually measuring when we measure the impact of coaching?

It could be technical capability, cognitive skills, emotional intelligence, confidence, behaviour or other human growth skills. The important question is not whether someone has changed, it’s whether that change is contributing to what matters to the organisation. I think a return on investment (ROI) is what matters to the organisation. And it’s our responsibility to identify meaningful indicators and show evidence that something is changing as a result of the coaching. This could include productivity, efficiency, employee satisfaction, leadership behaviour, confidence, decision-making or collaboration.

The impact should go beyond the individual, for example, Are you changing the culture? Are leaders telling a different story? Are behaviours changing across the organisation? Are you building a team rather than simply bringing together a group of people? Ultimately, measuring coaching impact is about connecting individual growth to organisational outcomes. Are people not only becoming better at what they do, and changing how they think, behave and work together?

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Listening over telling

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Lead with your competencies, because they can be a proxy for your experience. Expertise is built through the repeated delivery of excellence. So ask yourself: What are your strongest functional leadership competencies, and can you demonstrate them consistently?

Reputation and credibility are built on strength of character, reliability and trustworthiness. People need to know that they can rely on you, particularly when the pressure is on. Capability is about demonstrating that you know how to get things done. Are you a good problem solver? Are you resourceful? Can you navigate complexity, find solutions and mobilise what is needed? Leadership requires you to stay on top of your game and continue developing your capability.

Then there is commitment. Will you see it through? Are you tenacious when things become difficult? Can you align the necessary resources, maintain momentum and hold yourself and others accountable for delivering what you have committed to? Competence may get you noticed. I think credibility, capability and commitment are what allow people to trust you with responsibility.

Are you interested in working with someone who asks you questions that make you question yourself? If so, contact me here for a complimentary discovery call.

““Difficult times will define you, they may diminish you or develop you. It’s up to you to decide.””
— Burrellism

Centre yourself

I am not an expert. I am simply a human stumbling through life, learning from the people I meet and the experiences I have along the way. One of the things I have learned, particularly from spending time with professional athletes and asking them how they respond under pressure, is the importance of what happens in the body before we try to change what is happening in the mind.

When we experience pressure, our emotional state can show up physically: tension, a racing heart, shallow breathing, a feeling of being on edge. The athletes I spoke to described the importance of releasing that tension, grounding themselves and becoming present before they perform. They were not trying to convince themselves that everything was fine. They were creating the physical and mental conditions that allowed them to perform at their best. That made me think about emotional choice differently. Rather than immediately asking, “What should I say to myself?”, I think we should first ask: What am I feeling about this situation and this person? And what emotion do I want to bring into the room?