coaching

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Second guessing

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Think about the cognitive load involved in constantly monitoring your body language, your tone of voice, your cultural references and your humour. Running a constant background calculation:
“Is this safe to say?”
“Will this make me stand out?”
“Will this mark me as ‘other’?”

That constant monitoring takes both mental and emotional energy. Energy that could otherwise be used to contribute, collaborate, solve problems, build relationships, be creative or simply do your job. Instead, it is spent managing how you are perceived. You are no longer simply participating in the environment, you are performing belonging. Contact me via this link for a complimentary discovery session.

The human touch

In a world that is rapidly changing, leadership is no longer only about authority. It is about empathy, emotional intelligence and mastering the art of guiding others. The journey from individual contributor to people leader can be challenging. As suddenly, success is no longer only about what you can achieve yourself. You now have to think about crafting a clear vision, building partnerships, developing relationships and creating the conditions for others to perform and grow.

You don't have to become the leader you think you are supposed to be. You can become the leader you desire to be, and that transition takes work. Sometimes you need someone outside the organisation to help you navigate it. An external thinking partner who can challenge your assumptions, help you build trust and support you as you learn how to nurture and lead your team. If this resonates with you, contact me via this link for a confidential discovery conversation.

What works for me

A few years ago Marshall Goldsmith inspired me to ask the following six questions at the end of each day.

  1. Did I do my best to set clear goals today?

  2. Did I do my best to achieve the goals I set?

  3. Did I do my best to find meaning in life today?

  4. Did I do my best to be happy today?

  5. Did I do my best to support and bring out the best in others today?

  6. Did I do my best to learn something about myself today?

No expectations

The insecure man feels threatened when another man succeeds, and the secure man is inspired by it. Which one are you?

I was raised secure, and my feminine values were encouraged rather than suppressed, and they became the foundation of how I lead and coach today. I think the same principle shows up in coaching itself. When someone chooses a coach, they are rarely moved by credentials, background, or methodology on their own. They are asking one question: what will this do for me? Will it change my career, my results, my life?

Studies suggest only 15% of buying behaviour is shaped by past experience. The other 85% is driven by the future someone can see for themselves. I think security works in the same way. It draws less from what you have already proven than from who you are becoming, and from not needing anyone else to be smaller for you to feel it.

““Thinking is difficult, that’s why most people judge.” ”
— Carl Jung

Participation in consciousness

There are plenty of ways to separate wealthy people from their money without making them feel bad about it. Status works differently as you cannot remove or reduce someone's status and leave them feeling better for it. I think the same holds true in disagreement. Diminishing someone's status will not change their mind, it only makes them defend it harder. If you want someone to think differently, you have to let them keep their standing while they do it. That's the quieter skill, in coaching, negotiation, and leadership alike: challenging the thinking without touching the person's sense of who they are. Contact me via this link if you are ready to move from grumble to gratitude.

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Test and validate

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I have a deep passion for challenging injustice, whether in the arts, politics or law. I have never been particularly motivated by money. For me, it has always been about people: using communication to challenge what is wrong, create understanding and help make things right. At the heart of it is a genuine desire to help others.

I think leadership starts with listening and understanding what people need, what matters to them and what they want to achieve. As a leader, you can use your skills and experience to guide, encourage and nurture people. However, much of leadership is about creating the conditions in which people feel motivated, supported and empowered to realise their potential.

““Madness is something rare in individuals, but in groups, parties, peoples, and ages, it is the rule.” ”
— Friedrich Nietzsche

The what, the how and the why

Some aspects of the human animal remain fundamentally mysterious. We are constantly searching for the why behind our thoughts, emotions and behaviours, yet sometimes, the answer is elusive, and perhaps it is not always necessary to find it. Instead, we could pay more attention to the what and the how. What is happening? How is it happening? What processes, experiences or circumstances might be contributing to it?

I think the why may be the deepest question because it asks us to make sense of what we observe. However, understanding why something happens often depends on first understanding what is happening and how it comes about. Maybe we don't always need to solve the mystery of why. Sometimes, understanding what is happening and how it unfolds is enough to help us decide what to do next.

Move with clarity

Transformation starts with becoming better prepared to navigate your own life. We all have ambitions, dreams and responsibilities. The challenge is finding the space to step back from them long enough to ask ourselves what really matters.

Stop, reflect and ask yourself:
Who am I becoming?
What do I really want?
What is holding me back?
What does living a purposeful life look like for me?

Sometimes we don't need more information. We need the space to think, reflect and become clearer about what we already know. Coaching can create that space, so if you are ready to live more intentionally, contact me via this link.

Empowering people

The better you become at human skills, the stronger the relationships you build with the people you coach. When people feel genuinely seen, heard and supported, that can lead to trust, loyalty and recommendations. I think it is often more fulfilling to give someone your time and energy than simply giving them money. Time, attention and genuine support can have a lasting impact.

The human dimension remains essential because AI can process information and support many aspects of our work at a speed and scale that humans cannot match. That is why I focus on the person, not just the problem. Change management is part of the solution, and sustainable change ultimately requires people to change how they think, behave and work with others.

““True teachers are those who use themselves as bridges over which they invite their students to cross; then, having facilitated their crossing, joyfully collapse, encouraging them to create their own.””
— Nikos Kazantzakis

Leadership is demonstrated through behaviour

The characteristics of a true leader are not defined by their job title. Leadership is demonstrated through the ability to influence, uplift, build trust and demonstrate vision and integrity. The best leaders also have the capacity to be vulnerable and human, and to recognise the unique qualities of others, particularly people who are different from themselves.

Your role does not define your leadership competence, your behaviour does. And leadership is something you can consciously and deliberately develop. It requires self-awareness, reflection and a willingness to examine how you show up and how others experience you. How you work with others is essential. How are you making sure your team understands what you do, what you expect, and the standards you want to maintain? Doing excellent work is important, and I think it’s only part of the equation. If you want to explore how you can develop your leadership presence, behaviour and impact, book a discovery session here.

Keep on moving

Human capital is increasingly important to organisational performance, and the investment we make in people matters. As a coach, you often see things that people may not yet recognise in themselves. Sometimes I encourage people to start a coaching journey before they actually feel they need one. Why wait until there is a problem before you start developing the capacity to deal with it?

It is the same with relationships. You build relationships before you need them. You build trust before you need it. You develop yourself before the pressure arrives. In that sense, sales is a prevention profession. You cannot wait until you need the relationship to start building it. You cannot reap if you have not sown. The knowledge is already there. The question is whether we are prepared to do the work before we need the results. Preparation is not something you do when the pressure arrives. Preparation is what allows you to meet the pressure when it does.

Measuring the impact of coaching

What are we actually measuring when we measure the impact of coaching?

It could be technical capability, cognitive skills, emotional intelligence, confidence, behaviour or other human growth skills. The important question is not whether someone has changed, it’s whether that change is contributing to what matters to the organisation. I think a return on investment (ROI) is what matters to the organisation. And it’s our responsibility to identify meaningful indicators and show evidence that something is changing as a result of the coaching. This could include productivity, efficiency, employee satisfaction, leadership behaviour, confidence, decision-making or collaboration.

The impact should go beyond the individual, for example, Are you changing the culture? Are leaders telling a different story? Are behaviours changing across the organisation? Are you building a team rather than simply bringing together a group of people? Ultimately, measuring coaching impact is about connecting individual growth to organisational outcomes. Are people not only becoming better at what they do, and changing how they think, behave and work together?

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Listening over telling

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Lead with your competencies, because they can be a proxy for your experience. Expertise is built through the repeated delivery of excellence. So ask yourself: What are your strongest functional leadership competencies, and can you demonstrate them consistently?

Reputation and credibility are built on strength of character, reliability and trustworthiness. People need to know that they can rely on you, particularly when the pressure is on. Capability is about demonstrating that you know how to get things done. Are you a good problem solver? Are you resourceful? Can you navigate complexity, find solutions and mobilise what is needed? Leadership requires you to stay on top of your game and continue developing your capability.

Then there is commitment. Will you see it through? Are you tenacious when things become difficult? Can you align the necessary resources, maintain momentum and hold yourself and others accountable for delivering what you have committed to? Competence may get you noticed. I think credibility, capability and commitment are what allow people to trust you with responsibility.

Are you interested in working with someone who asks you questions that make you question yourself? If so, contact me here for a complimentary discovery call.

““Difficult times will define you, they may diminish you or develop you. It’s up to you to decide.””
— Burrellism

Centre yourself

I am not an expert. I am simply a human stumbling through life, learning from the people I meet and the experiences I have along the way. One of the things I have learned, particularly from spending time with professional athletes and asking them how they respond under pressure, is the importance of what happens in the body before we try to change what is happening in the mind.

When we experience pressure, our emotional state can show up physically: tension, a racing heart, shallow breathing, a feeling of being on edge. The athletes I spoke to described the importance of releasing that tension, grounding themselves and becoming present before they perform. They were not trying to convince themselves that everything was fine. They were creating the physical and mental conditions that allowed them to perform at their best. That made me think about emotional choice differently. Rather than immediately asking, “What should I say to myself?”, I think we should first ask: What am I feeling about this situation and this person? And what emotion do I want to bring into the room?

The ripple effect

I recently heard a great definition of charisma, it was described as empathy combined with authority. I think it is the ability to make people feel that you genuinely care about them, while also giving them confidence that you can lead, protect and guide them. You don’t have to be likeable or have a strong presence. By simply challenging what you know and staying curious you will automatically make people feel both seen and safe.

Polishing the mirror

Life is not static, and I am constantly challenging what I think I know. I am fortunate to keep meeting people who see me as an authentic person, and with the knowledge that being authentic also comes with a huge responsibility. If I am asking others to reflect, learn and grow, then I have to be willing to do the same. Learning as a support professional and as a coach is essential. It is a lifelong journey, and given the complexity of the world we are living in, we need to constantly tune in, challenge ourselves and, metaphorically, polish the mirror so that we remain truly fit for purpose.

I tend to use systems-thinking approaches because it is important to see the connections, connect the dots and not be afraid of complexity. People, behaviours, teams and organisations do not exist in isolation. What happens in one part of a system can influence everything else. It is also important to go deeper within ourselves and connect with our own essence. I think when we become more aware of who we are, we become better able to recognise and understand the essence of others. In my work with leaders, I have the privilege of being close to what is happening within their teams and organisations. I get to see the challenges, the opportunities, the tensions and the possibilities as they emerge. That is why I have to keep polishing my own mirror. If I want to help others see more clearly, I have to be willing to look clearly at myself.

Don't give away your power

I avoid complainers and blamers because, when blaming becomes a pattern, accountability disappears. There will always be things that happen to us that are outside our control. Other people will make decisions we do not agree with, circumstances will change, and things will go wrong. I think when we constantly blame others for what happens, we give away our agency, and we become focused on what the world is doing to us rather than asking, “What can I do about it?”

When you have a goal in life, one of the things that can stop you from achieving it is becoming trapped in a cycle of blaming and complaining. You become a recipient of what everyone else is doing rather than an active participant in what happens next. Accountability means recognising what is within your control and taking responsibility for what you do with it. You cannot control everyone around you, but you can work on maintaining control over yourself, as that is where your agency begins.

Information does not create change

I have always been fascinated by behavioural psychology, and my work as an ICF-accredited coach has deepened that interest. One question I keep coming back to is: How do you know what to say, or what question to ask, that will help someone see something differently and ultimately change their behaviour?

We can give people information. We can teach them new concepts, frameworks and processes. I think information alone rarely creates lasting behavioural change. If learning remains purely intellectual, we are competing with everything else demanding their attention. For information to become meaningful, it needs to connect with the person. It needs to feel relevant. It needs to have personal significance and, often, an emotional connection that makes them think:
“This matters to me.”
“This could help me achieve something I care about.”

That is when learning has a greater chance of being remembered, integrated and applied. This is why simply telling people what to do is often an inefficient way of creating behavioural change. Information can create understanding, and understanding does not automatically create action. The real challenge is helping people make the connection between what they know and what they actually do. That is where coaching becomes powerful as it creates the space for people to stop, reflect, make meaning, challenge their assumptions and discover something for themselves. And I think when the insight becomes their insight, the possibility of change becomes much greater.

““Your success in life will be determined largely by your ability to speak, your ability to write, and the quality of your ideas. In that order.””
— Patrick Winston

Difficult conversations

Before you enter into a difficult conversation with someone, start by opening your mind with curiosity. Tell yourself: I don't know how this person sees the world, and I don't have all the answers. If you already know what you are going to say, there is very little space left for a conversation. And if you have already decided how the other person is going to respond, you may end up listening only for what confirms what you already believe.

I think if we want to help people reconsider how they think, perhaps the answer isn't to tell them what to think. It is to create the space for them to think differently.

  1. Get them to stop and reflect on what they think and feel.

  2. Ask questions that encourage them to question their own assumptions.

  3. Help them articulate what else could be true, possible or worth considering.

You cannot force someone to change their mind, all you can ask questions that create enough space for them to question their own thinking. So, are you interested in working with someone who asks you questions that make you question yourself? If so, contact me here for a complimentary discovery call.

A broader coaching philosophy

What happens when we start paying attention to the cultures, behaviours and contradictions around us?

We all get stuck in our thinking. We develop ways of seeing the world, and over time those ways of seeing can become so familiar that we struggle to recognise other possibilities. I think sometimes we resist a new idea or a different way of doing something without really understanding why. Our assumptions become so embedded that we do not stop to question where they come from or whether they still serve us.

This is where leadership can make a real difference. A leader can say something, or ask a question, that makes us stop and think about the way we think. Not to give us the answer, but to create enough space for us to question our own assumptions. Perhaps this is where uncertainty becomes valuable. When we are no longer certain that our way is the only way, we become more open to curiosity, learning and growth. I think sometimes, not knowing is exactly where learning begins.