culture

The friendship recession

One of the most concerning social trends of recent decades is what researchers have called the "friendship recession." In the United States, the percentage of men reporting that they have no close friends increased from approximately 3% in 1990 to 15% in 2021, a fivefold increase. At the same time, the number of men reporting large friendship circles has declined significantly. I find myself wondering what the numbers look like in Denmark, the UK, and other countries. If you are familiar with the research where you live, I would be interested to hear your perspective.

What makes this trend particularly important is that men remain less likely to seek professional support when they are struggling. Strong social connections are not simply a nice-to-have; they are closely linked to wellbeing, resilience, and mental health. I also think this has implications for relationships. In many heterosexual partnerships, women often carry a disproportionate share of the emotional labour, whether that involves initiating difficult conversations, managing conflict, maintaining family relationships, or encouraging partners to seek support when needed.

The question is not whether men are capable of emotional intelligence as we clearly are. The question is whether many of us have been socialised to develop and express it. As author and educator Levi Murray has observed, "Patriarchy is working against men's full human development." For me, this is a conversation about connection and not about blame. How do we create a culture where men feel able to build deeper friendships, ask for support, and engage more openly with their own emotional lives? Send me an email with your thoughts.

Tolerance vs. Acceptance

In homogeneous societies like Denmark, there is often an important distinction between tolerance and acceptance. Tolerance means allowing difference to exist, even if it remains at a distance. People may be included formally, yet still feel like outsiders who are expected to adapt to the dominant culture. Acceptance goes further as it involves recognising difference as a natural and valuable part of society and organisational life. People are not simply “allowed” to participate; they are respected, heard, and able to contribute fully without needing to minimise who they are. The shift from tolerance to acceptance is significant because belonging influences trust, collaboration, innovation, and long-term retention.

Check your behaviour

How do we turn the unexpected into the expected?

  1. Visualise different situations regularly
    Reflect on how you might respond in certain moments. How would you react in that meeting? How would you respond to a colleague whose appearance, behaviour, or communication style feels unfamiliar to you? Notice your instinctive reaction and challenge it. Open yourself to alternative interpretations and possibilities.

  2. Examine your behaviour when faced with the unexpected
    When something or someone triggers a reaction in you, pause and reflect. Ask yourself: Would I respond the same way if this person looked like me, sounded like me, or shared my background? Self-awareness is essential in recognising how unconscious bias can influence behaviour.

  3. Intentionally expand your exposure
    Make a conscious effort to expose yourself, your children, your extended family, and your networks to people, cultures, experiences, and perspectives that may currently feel unfamiliar. What feels unexpected today can become normal through meaningful exposure, curiosity, and human connection.

I don't see race

Race is often one of the first visible differences the human brain notices when people encounter one another. While many individuals have personal relationships across gender differences, not everyone has had meaningful relationships across racial or cultural differences. As a result, perceptions and assumptions about race are often shaped indirectly through media, institutions, history, and social conditioning rather than lived experience. I think over time, people internalise messages about both their own group and others.

Research using the Implicit Association Test (IAT) has shown that many individuals, regardless of racial background, can unconsciously absorb and reproduce societal stereotypes. For example, studies have found that many White participants more readily associate positive attributes with whiteness, while some Black participants may also internalise negative stereotypes about Blackness due to prolonged exposure to the same cultural narratives. This is why conversations about unconscious bias require both personal reflection and structural awareness. Bias is not simply about individual prejudice; it is also shaped by the environments, systems, and messages that influence how people see themselves and others.

Leadership is lonely

Unconscious bias is often shaped by what we have been repeatedly exposed to throughout our lives. Our brains absorb patterns, social norms, and behavioural expectations, then unconsciously use them to make rapid judgments and assumptions. For example, men are often associated with leadership, assertiveness, strength, ambition, and authority. Women, by contrast, are frequently associated with being supportive, emotional, nurturing, sensitive, or accommodating. In practical terms, this creates a familiar pattern: men are more readily perceived as “taking charge,” while women are more readily perceived as “taking care.”

I don’t think that these assumptions are not always conscious or intentional. They are reinforced through culture, media, workplaces, education, and social conditioning over time. The result is that people are often unconsciously redirected toward the patterns and expectations the brain already recognises as familiar. This is one of the reasons unconscious bias can continue to influence hiring, leadership perception, promotions, and everyday workplace interactions, even in environments that believe they are operating objectively.

Let’s meet each other where we are

In the early stages of building anything, whether a business, a team, or a reputation, growth depends on how effectively you engage with people. Expanding your user base or customer base requires more than visibility; it requires openness and a willingness to connect beyond familiar circles.

I am conscious of the influence of groupthink. When surrounded by people who share similar backgrounds or perspectives, it becomes easy to reinforce existing views. For that reason, I actively seek out different perspectives, at times deliberately challenging assumptions to broaden the conversation. Exposure to diverse thinking sharpens judgment, challenges bias, and ultimately leads to better decisions. It is not only about meeting others, but about creating the space to see things differently together.

““I cannot give you a formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure, which is: try to please everybody.””
— Herbert Bayard Swope

Principles for responsibility and restraint

A number of enduring principles offer useful guidance for how we think, decide, and act. Murphy’s Law reminds us that the more we fixate on something going wrong, the more we risk creating the conditions for it to happen. In contrast, Kidlin’s Law emphasises clarity, suggesting that defining a problem precisely goes a long way toward resolving it. Gilbert’s Law reinforces personal accountability, highlighting that when we take on a task, the responsibility for finding the best way forward sits with us. Wisson’s Law points to the long-term value of prioritising knowledge and intelligence, trusting that financial outcomes tend to follow. Finally, Falkland’s Law offers a counter balance, reminding us that not every situation requires a decision, and restraint can often be the most effective choice.

We need a societal rethink

Why are equal opportunities still out of reach?

In many industries, Black professionals continue to face limited access to opportunities, particularly in management and leadership roles. This is often shaped by entrenched perceptions about capability, influenced by systemic bias and institutional barriers. I think the question is about access and perception. When will assumptions about a Black professional’s ability to think critically, lead effectively, and contribute at a strategic level be fully challenged? When will intellectual and moral parity be recognised without hesitation?

For organisations, this requires more than stated intent. It demands a consistent commitment to evaluating talent based on merit, capability, and potential wich is free from bias. We are watching, and progress will be measured not by statements, but by decisions: who is trusted, who is developed, and who is given the opportunity to lead.

International Women's Day 2026

For decades organisations have measured cognitive ability because it was easier to quantify. The next phase of leadership development will require equal attention to awareness, judgement, and interpersonal capability. The leaders who succeed will be those who can combine strategic thinking with human understanding, guiding people through uncertainty while ensuring that insight becomes meaningful action.
Contact me via email if you would like an accountability partner along your journey.

The future is bright

Legislation can regulate behaviour, but it does not automatically shift underlying attitudes or perceptions. When individuals or communities are perceived as “different,” initial reactions are often shaped by uncertainty or suspicion. Without deliberate efforts to build inclusion and opportunity, social distance can increase. When people feel excluded from mainstream pathways, they will seek alternatives. In some cases, those alternatives may include informal or unlawful economies, particularly where legitimate opportunities are limited or difficult to access. While it is often argued that individuals have choices, the practical range of viable options can be significantly constrained by structural factors such as access to education, networks, employment, and social capital.

From my experience growing up in London, the narrative of abundant opportunity does not always reflect lived reality. If organisations and institutions want sustainable integration and social stability, the focus must extend beyond compliance and enforcement to genuine access, participation, and economic mobility.

A rare convergence

The Chinese New Year (welcoming the Year of the Horse) began yesterday, and on the same day millions of people observed the first day of Ramadan on the Islamic calendar. It also marked Ash Wednesday, the start of Lent in the Christian tradition. This rare alignment of cultural and spiritual observances, each rooted in reflection, renewal, discipline, and intention. Highlighting how different communities around the world enter a period of inward focus and fresh beginnings at the same time.

Vital point

Image of Kirsten Klein (Holstebro Kunstmuseum)

Historically, movements such as abolitionism, the suffrage movement, and the Civil Rights movement were not funded by governments. They emerged in opposition to existing systems of power and oppression and were sustained largely through grassroots organising, private donations, and the support of individuals willing to use their resources, social standing, and influence to challenge the status quo. Progress depended on people who were prepared to accept personal risk in order to confront deeply entrenched injustice.

The 3 A's

The three A’s are a gentle way of staying rooted in appreciation and gratitude. First, acknowledge what you already have, rather than focusing on what is missing. Then, truly appreciate it, allowing yourself to feel the fullness of its value. Finally, allow what needs to come next, trusting that when you are present with what is, what is meant for you will follow.
What do you think?

Active questions

6 active questions to ask yourself every day.

  1. Did I do my best to be happy?

  2. Did I do my best to find meaning?

  3. Did I do my best to be fully engaged?

  4. Did I do my best to build positive relationships?

  5. Did I do my best to set clear goals?

  6. Did I do my best to make progress toward goal achievement?

““Our mission in life is to make a positive difference, not to prove how smart we are and not to prove how right we are.” ”
— Peter Drucker

You are in charge

If I need to influence you and you hold the decision-making power, then there is one word that describes my role: salesperson, and there is one word that describes your role: customer. Customers do not have to buy; salespeople have to sell, and influence without authority works the same way. You focus on the other person’s needs, not your own. You do not try to prove how right or how intelligent you are. You recognise that the other person does not have to agree, and you treat them with the respect any good salesperson would offer a customer. You engage with their needs, their priorities, and the difference you can help them create. If you can sell the idea, sell it. If you can change the situation, change it. If you can do neither, take a breath, let it go, and redirect your energy. Do not waste your life on what you cannot change, just invest your time in what you can.

This may seem obvious

Why do organisations reward politics instead of performance?

When leaders question why high performers feel overlooked while politically savvy colleagues advance, the answer often lies in deeper cultural and structural issues. Many organisations unintentionally reward political behaviour because performance is not consistently or objectively measured. When expectations are vague, feedback is inconsistent, or reward criteria shift from one leader to another, people quickly learn that visibility, alliances, and impression-management provide a more predictable route to progression than competence or contribution.

This dynamic does not arise from bad people. It comes from human behaviour in unclear systems. In environments where certainty is low, individuals rely on self-protection, influence, or affiliation to remain safe. Over time, this creates cultures where the ability to “play the game” feels more valuable than the ability to create meaningful results.