anxiety

Romantic pursuits

The reason so many men end up chasing women is that they don't realise they are actually chasing validation. They think they are chasing a woman, but most of the time they want confirmation that they are attractive enough, successful enough, interesting enough, or worthy enough. The woman simply becomes the vehicle men use to prove something to themselves. Think about how men change when they overthink every text message, they analyse every conversation and replay every interaction in their head, trying to figure out what she really meant. One minute they are relaxed and confident; the next they are wondering whether she likes them, whether they are doing enough, or whether she is about to lose interest. I don’t think this is attraction, in reality it’s anxiety disguised as attraction.

NB: Although this post is written from a male perspective, the dynamics described are not gender specific. The same patterns of seeking validation, overthinking, and anxiety disguised as attraction apply equally across genders and relationship types. I think this could just as easily have been written from a woman's perspective.

““The trouble with us is that we do not read enough. We eat too much and let our minds go empty and dry.” ”
— Marcus Garvey

The fear of mistakes

Many people experience anxiety about making mistakes, often driven by longstanding habits or traditions. The status quo, “this is the way we have done it for years and we have to keep doing it this way” can reinforce the fear of failure. I think what truly troubles us is not just the possibility of failure itself, but the discomfort of admitting to ourselves that something we tried did not work as intended.

““Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are.””
— Brent Brown

Clear expectations

Human beings are deeply motivated by their social standing within groups. Recognition and acknowledgment are powerful tools to elevate an individual’s status, activating the brain's reward system, which encourages positive behaviours. Research shows that when people feel recognised, they are more likely to be engaged and supportive in their roles. On the other hand, uncertainty can trigger defensive behaviours as the brain perceives it as a threat. Providing clarity and predictability helps to reduce anxiety and create psychological safety. I think this allows individuals to focus on collaboration rather than self-protection, boosting performance and engagement​.

Dream big

All our unfulfilled dreams, constitute a limitation on what we are and could become. Usually it’s fear and it’s close cousin, anxiety, that keep us from doing those things that would make us happy. The things we long to do - educate ourselves, become successful in our work, fall in love - are goals shared by all. The things we are afraid to try usually are made up of broken promises to ourselves. Yet the means to achieve these things are not obscure. Why don’t we do what is necessary to become the people we want to be?

“If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.”
— Henry David Thoreau

Most people are stuck in life because of fear, fear of everything outside their comfort zones. We are exposed and vulnerable when crossing a bridge; that keeps many of us from crossing to where our dreams live. Our minds have a way of rising to the occasion - challenge it - and it will reward you. Our dreams transport us to magical places that we try to capture in music, film and art, but we only dream when we sleep deeply. I think you should focus more on why you want your dreams to come true, rather than on how to make them come true. When we do this, the “hows” happen in a miraculous way.