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Mastering the mind

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Zyanya Citlalli ©

In a world of constant change, uncertainty, and pressure to perform, grounded leadership requires more than just technical skill or vision. It requires deep inner work and a commitment to something bigger than yourself.

I often encourage the leaders I coach to focus on two things:
1. Mastering the mind
2. Serving others

Mastering the mind isn’t just about mental sharpness, it’s about emotional discipline. Leadership will inevitably trigger moments of envy, ego, impatience, or self-doubt. The real challenge is learning to observe those emotions without letting them drive your decisions. I think mastery means developing the inner resilience to choose clarity over chaos, humility over pride, and purpose over impulse. It’s not about perfection, it’s about awareness, regulation, and growth. What do you think?

How I come across

I have always been drawn to behavioural psychology. In exploring ideas around status, I have come to understand that it’s not about being “alpha,” I think it’s really about self-esteem and deep personal transformation. I have never chased popularity or felt the need for external validation. Metaphorically speaking, I’ve never entered beauty contests, partly because I have never seen myself as beautiful.

The fear of change

I have been studying the fear of change, both in myself and in the people I coach. What I have discovered is as startling as it is deeply human: our resistance to change isn’t just a mindset. It lives in our nervous system, our habits, and even our sense of identity, because change often feels like a threat to our safety. Even when something no longer serves us, whether it’s a job, a relationship, or a way of thinking, we often cling to it simply because it’s familiar. Sad but true… If this resonates, contact me via email to book a free 30-minute discovery call.

““The free soul is rare, but you know it when you see it - basically because you feel good, very good, when you are near or with them.””
— Charles Bukowski

Speak up

Every now and then, I feel the need to simplify the DEI acronyms and today was one of those days.

Diversity refers to the presence of different people within a group or organisation, for example, people of different races, cultures, backgrounds, abilities, and identities.

Equity is about fairness and justice, for example, ensuring that everyone has access to the same opportunities by recognising and addressing systemic barriers.

Inclusion is the intentional practice of welcoming, respecting, and valuing people who have historically been excluded, whether due to race, sexuality, ability, or other aspects of their identity.

Trusted sparring partner

As an executive coach, 95% of my clients engage me as an accountability partner, someone who challenges them to follow through, think strategically, and stay focused. The remaining 5% primarily seek progression support, though I continue to offer accountability and act as a trusted sparring partner. I create a confidential, non-judgmental space where leaders can be vulnerable, gain clarity, and reflect openly. This approach is especially valued by those navigating high-stakes environments, leading complex teams, or undergoing personal transitions.

Social engagement

I work with leaders and senior executives to help them lead employees from marginalised and underrepresented backgrounds with greater empathy and confidence. I am not a performer, I’m genuine, grounded, and deeply curious about people. I build meaningful connections because I truly care about getting to know the individuals I work with. This curiosity has shaped my life and career.

I have been fortunate to work across learning and development, consulting, DEI implementation, and coaching. I create a safe, non-judgmental space where people can take off their masks, speak honestly, and share what’s truly on their hearts with the knowledge that they will be met with respect and understanding.

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Managing relationships

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I recently came across the concept of relational intelligence, described as the ability to understand, navigate, and effectively manage interpersonal relationships. I think this is how trust is built, inclusion is felt, and where safety becomes the norm rather than the exception.

Perhaps it’s time for leaders to turn to their HR partners and ask the deeper, more human questions:
- Do my team members, especially those with less positional power, feel seen, heard, and valued?
- How do I react when someone gives me hard feedback?
- Have I made space lately for challenge, dissent, or alternative viewpoints?
- Am I showing people I care about who they are, not just what they produce?

These are not just performance questions, they are relational ones, and they might be the key to unlocking safer, stronger teams.

Heal first

c/o Paul Sloane ©

Healing and self-punishment cannot coexist. Many of us try to move forward into new relationships, roles, or versions of ourselves while still carrying guilt or shame from the past. I don’t think you can truly grow if you are quietly telling yourself you’re undeserving. Healing begins when you stop treating your past like a debt to be repaid with suffering. It asks for compassion, not penance. You are allowed to begin again, without shame or self-judgment as that’s not weakness, it’s courage.

““Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.””
— Robin Williams
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Coaching isn’t magic

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Alan Mulally, the legendary former CEO of Ford and Boeing Commercial Airplanes, is often held up as one of the most effective leaders of our time. His approach was grounded in humility, discipline, transparency, and an unwavering commitment to developing people. Marshall Goldsmith, the world-renowned executive coach, once shared a simple but profound lesson he learned from Mulally:

““If you work with great, dedicated, committed leaders who want to keep getting better, your coaching process will ALWAYS work. If you work with leaders who have no real interest in improving, your coaching process will NEVER work.””
— Marshall Goldsmith

This observation cuts through all the noise about methods, credentials, and frameworks. I think at its core, growth requires a genuine desire to change, and no amount of expertise or clever process can make someone evolve if they don’t want to.

Thinking outside the box

c/o LinkedIn

Things are rarely black or white, especially when you are working with people. Everyone has different personalities, career paths, and generational perspectives. I focus on understanding people, while others might focus on numbers. It can be hard to merge these views, but it's essential because people drive the numbers, and the numbers depend on the people. If we don’t recognise these different perspectives or stay open-minded, educating the C-suite becomes even harder. I think one of the biggest challenges is that leadership teams now include new roles and titles that add another layer of complexity. This means we need to invest extra effort in helping everyone understand and align.

Respecting our differences

I work with each individual to truly understand who they are. By doing so, I aim to value the differences among employees, rather than trying to make everyone alike. We need to embrace these differences as strengths, not weaknesses. It's time to stop forcing everyone and everything into the same diversity initiative. Not everyone needs to be included in every effort in the same way. Inclusion isn’t about sameness, it’s about recognising, respecting, and leveraging what makes each of us unique.

““Ordinary things, consistently done, produce extraordinary results.””
— Keith J. Cunningham
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Matter of fact

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I’m sorry to say it, but education and training alone do not equal intelligence. As a DEIB advocate, I believe that diversity intelligence deserves to sit alongside intellectual intelligence (IQ), emotional intelligence (EQ), and cultural intelligence (CQ). Too often, people misunderstand the differences across and within cultures. To treat all employees fairly, honestly, and with integrity, we need to develop the intelligence to understand the full picture: IQ, EQ, CQ—and the policies, rules, and laws that shape them.

I think both formal leaders and those leading without a title must learn to recognise difference, not as a threat or obstacle, but as a reality of the modern workplace. Being different doesn’t mean being less capable, and it shouldn’t get in the way of performance. I encourage you to reflect, look at your own actions, and examine your biases, because that’s where inclusion starts.

We are one

Growing up in South London and later moving to Copenhagen has shown me that there is not much difference among people in Northern Europe. We are all human beings who want to be liked and understood, and we all hold passions and beliefs. I think the key is to ensure those beliefs are grounded in facts rather than opinions, biases, or stereotypes.

““No one will really understand politics until they understand that politicians are not trying to solve our problems. They are trying to solve their problems - of which getting elected and re-elected are number one and number two. Whatever is number three is far behind.” ”
— Thomas Sowell

An underrated power

In a world obsessed with hacks, for example, productivity hacks, fitness hacks, and time-saving tricks, one of life’s simplest and most transformative tools often gets overlooked: good manners. I think being nice and polite might just be the most powerful “hack” of all. Why? Because good manners are contagious.

A kind word, a polite gesture, a thoughtful pause before speaking, all set a tone. They ripple outward, shaping the energy of conversations, relationships, and even entire workplaces. When you say “please” and “thank you” regularly, you are not just following a social script; you are signaling respect, empathy, and intention.

“Manners are a sensitive awareness of feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use.””
— Emily Post
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Executive coaching

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I see coaching as the ability to further your learning and development by understanding your goals, challenging you, giving you timely feedback, and offering you my support. My executive coaching is a powerful catalyst for your personal and professional growth. As you are already an exceptional performer, my executive coaching will help you uncover blind spots, strengthen your leadership skills, and focus on specific areas to optimise your performance. I will be your trusted partner, guiding you through a process towards a deeper understanding of yourself, sharpening your decision-making abilities, supporting your transition into a new role, and preparing you to take on more responsibilities.

Are you ready to embark on a transformative journey that fosters continuous learning, self-mastery, and the realisation of your career objectives? If so, contact me via email to schedule a free 30 minute discovery meeting.

Draw from that experience

One of the most powerful ways to make the past more valuable is to invest it into your future through reflection. Become a student of your own life, and learn to look back on your days, months, and years with curiosity and intention.

Take a few minutes at the end of each day to reflect on your experiences, and ask yourself:
·       Who did I see or meet today?
·       What did we talk about?
·       How did those interactions make me feel?
·       What happened, and why?
·       Why did they say what they said?
·       Why did I respond the way I did?

I think by exploring these questions, you gain insight, learn from your experiences, and make your past serve your future. What do you think?

Bringing dreams to life

It takes D.R.E.A.M to achieve the extraordinary:
Discipline – Stay focused even when it’s hard.
Routine – Build daily habits that move you forward.
Education – Never stop learning and growing.
Action – Turn plans into reality with relentless effort.
Mentality – Cultivate a mindset that refuses to quit.

I think turning dreams into reality isn’t magic, it’s a D.R.E.A.M.

Face the facts

Organisations navigating change need to slow down, examine their assumptions and avoid snap judgments that can alienate employees. I think building shared psychological safety means ensuring everyone feels heard and considered, not just the loudest or most senior voices. Leaders need to be willing to sit with discomfort, recognising that genuine transformation often challenges their own perspectives. Too often, the emotional burden of change is outsourced to middle managers or HR teams, who are expected to absorb employees’ fears and frustrations without adequate support themselves. While HR typically serves the strategic interests of the organisation, it’s crucial to balance this role with a genuine commitment to employee wellbeing and ethical practices.

Solving writer’s block

Writer’s block is often a symptom of something deeper, for example, anxiety. At its core, it’s the fear that what you are writing isn’t good enough. Anxiety is essentially wasting present energy on a future outcome you don’t want. When you expect your writing to fail, it becomes almost impossible to invest your full energy into it and sometimes, you can't even begin. If you or someone you know is struggling with writer’s block, the key is to change the internal narrative. I think the mental “movie” playing in your head isn’t working, so play a new one.

How? Ask better questions.
Instead of: “What if my writing isn’t good enough?”
Ask: “How amazing is my writing going to be once it’s done?”
Then say: “Congratulations – I did it.”