Never complain, never explain

One of my life philosophies is to avoid complaining, which means I never have to explain! Complaining often makes others think that you’re either unwilling to take responsibility for your circumstances or that you lack the competence to handle them. When you complain frequently, you may develop a negative mindset where everything feels like a potential problem, even when there’s nothing wrong. Complaining doesn't improve the situation; it doesn’t help you grow. Instead of complaining, focus on working harder and letting your actions speak for themselves.

Disclaimer: This is not truly how I feel. While the above reflects a certain mindset, I believe in the value of expressing emotions and seeking help when needed.

““Complaining is not a strategy. You have to work hard with the world as you find it, not as you would have it be.””
— Jeff Bezos

The STAR coaching model

The STAR coaching model, which stands for Situation, Task, Action, and Result, is an effective tool for guiding structured and meaningful conversations. It is commonly used in coaching to help individuals reflect on their past experiences and behaviour, making it easier to identify goals and develop actionable plans for the future.

The process begins by discussing the situation, the specific context or challenge that created difficulty. From there, the conversation moves to the task, where the client is encouraged to think about what they believe they should do to address the issue. The next step involves reflecting on their actions, or how they typically respond to such situations, allowing them to examine their thought patterns and behaviour. Finally, the coach and client assess the result of those actions, exploring both the outcome and how the individual feels about it. I think this reflective process allows for accountability and promotes collaborative problem-solving, making it a valuable framework for personal growth and goal setting.

Contact me via email for 1:1 or group coaching.

Clear expectations

Human beings are deeply motivated by their social standing within groups. Recognition and acknowledgment are powerful tools to elevate an individual’s status, activating the brain's reward system, which encourages positive behaviours. Research shows that when people feel recognised, they are more likely to be engaged and supportive in their roles. On the other hand, uncertainty can trigger defensive behaviours as the brain perceives it as a threat. Providing clarity and predictability helps to reduce anxiety and create psychological safety. I think this allows individuals to focus on collaboration rather than self-protection, boosting performance and engagement​.

A little bit more about me

c/o The New York Times

When I can confidently say that my decisions are rooted in love and aligned with my deeper purpose, it’s because I’ve accessed this clarity through meditation. In the stillness, I actively remove the clutter, noise and the weight of societal expectations, external obligations, and others' opinions that often cloud my judgment. By doing so, I create the mental and emotional space necessary to hear my own voice, to connect with my intuition, and to recognise what my soul is truly yearning for. This process of tuning into myself isn’t just about quiet reflection; it’s the foundation of self-awareness, which I believe is the gateway to authentic mindfulness. It’s through this mindful practice that I can align my external actions with my internal truths.

Leadership credibility

I think status means nothing without credibility. Research shows that leaders who lack credibility are far less effective at gaining trust and inspiring their teams. For example, a study by Kouzes & Posner found that credibility is the cornerstone of leadership, with 89% of respondents saying they follow leaders they trust. If people don’t believe you belong in a leadership role, it becomes difficult to lead effectively. Credibility is built through competence, which comes from consistently performing at a high standard over time. Leaders like Angela Merkel and Satya Nadella earned respect by demonstrating expertise and making decisions that consistently yielded positive results.

What does a good coach deliver?

I think a good coach consistently delivers self-belief, self-motivation, choice, clarity, commitment, awareness, responsibility, and action, whilst also holding the client accountable. While many of us may be capable of providing these qualities to others occasionally, a skilled coach delivers them reliably, empowering most people most of the time. Contact me via email to discuss your coaching requirements.

“A good coach can change a game. A great coach can change a life.”
— John Wooden

The opposite is true

The debate between diversity and meritocracy often overlooks a key point which is it's not just about qualifications or ticking boxes. I think diverse teams bring fresh perspectives, challenge group thinking, and ultimately leads to better decision-making. And in environments where diverse voices are represented, organisations are more agile and innovative, better equipped to solve complex problems. While merit is crucial, true leadership lies in reflecting the communities they serve, ensuring a range of lived experiences is brought to the table. Embracing diversity isn't about compromising standards, it's about broadening them to recognise different forms of excellence. Send me an e-mail and let me what you think?

Control the narrative

“The Courage to Be Disliked" is a popular self-help book by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga that explores the concept of embracing our true selves and living authentically, even if that means being disliked by others. The book is based on the principles of Alfred Adler's psychology and offers practical advice on how to develop the courage to be ourselves without seeking validation from others.

Some key takeaways from the book include:

1. The desire to be liked by everyone is a major source of unhappiness.

2. You don't need to be liked by everyone to be happy.

3. Being disliked by others doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you.

4. Embrace your uniqueness and don't try to conform to others' expectations.

5. Take responsibility for your own life and choices.

6. Don't be afraid to express your own thoughts and opinions.

7. You can't control how others think or feel, but you can control how you respond to them.

I think "The Courage to Be Disliked" is a thought-provoking book that encourages readers to embrace their individuality and live a more authentic, fulfilling life.

Framing soft skills

We also tend to assume that those who look or think like us make better employees. We believe that someone who went to a certain university will perform better simply because we don’t know how else to measure their potential. And what we are beginning to understand is that it’s not difficult to measure what truly makes a difference. It usually comes down to human skills, for example, persistence, grit, and kindness. It’s about people who can encourage others to speak up. When we bring together the right mix of individuals, they consistently outperform those who score well on these false indicators of success.

What’s missing from this picture? Patience, situational awareness, and the core of teamwork, which is the opposite of bullying. When we’re fully present, aware of what’s happening, and act on it, the workplace thrives. It’s far better than simply shouting, “March faster!” while oblivious to the fact that you’re heading straight off a cliff.

Looking through the lens

Illustration by Ruby Taylor ©

We need to tell the story not just of the outcome, but of the journey it took to get there. What challenges were overcome, and what progress did the individual or team make to achieve the goal? By sharing these stories, we can inspire others without creating a sense of threat or unhealthy competition. It also highlights the strategies that were most effective in reaching those outcomes and the strategies that, as a leader, you want to celebrate and promote. When we set up internal collaborative competitions, we need to be clear about the dimensions on which we are competing and how we reward and recognise success. I think this helps everyone understand the pathways to achievement in a way that fosters collaborative learning, growth, and development, showing others how they can follow suit.

Open the door

It’s always inspiring to hear about organisations where leaders encourage their teams to speak up. I know that some leaders can seem intimidating because of their title or position. What I want to encourage people to do is start small and develop new habits that break the patterns of indoctrination we've absorbed over years of schooling and work. As we have been conditioned to focus on questions like:

  • Will this be on the test?

  • How do I get an “A”?

  • Where’s my promotion?

What I really want people to see is that we are like fish swimming in water who never think about the water. We often don’t recognise the environment we’re in. I think the key is to start questioning: “Is there any part of my life where I’m following the same patterns without thinking? Where could I have a conversation about getting to where I truly want to go?” Start by finding one person with whom you can have these meaningful conversations, and then expand from there. These discussions don’t come naturally. We need to encourage both team members and leaders to engage in them, to foster a culture where everyone can thrive, both at work and at home.

Tell your story

What have you changed your mind about over the last 12 months?

We often celebrate people who stick to their beliefs and are eventually proven right, for example, leaders who resist pressure to change their approach and succeed. And I think it's easy to feel validated when that happens, however, I've been wrong om many occasions in different situations, and it’s been a humbling experience. Over the last year, I become disillusioned with humanity, particularly when I think about how people behave when they believe no one is watching. It’s unsettling to imagine the choices people make when they feel they can act without consequence. I have found myself wondering, when given the option, will people choose justice? My perspective has changed and I’m no longer as cynical as I used to be. I’ve become more hopeful, hopeful that when good people come together and work with other good people, they can truly make a difference and create positive change.

Shining the light on the problem

Leaders aren’t born; they are made. Recognising the power of movement can get us through almost anything and this is a fundamental truth. I think it’s not about speed; it’s about starting. Sometimes, it’s someone else’s responsibility, privilege, or role to help a friend or colleague see what they may not have been able to recognise on their own. For example, instead of asking your company or team to take on large, overwhelming initiatives, start small. When working on leadership development, one of the things I often recommend is for people to do less than they would usually expect. Rather than making a long, heavy list of tasks, start with something simple and manageable. For instance, instead of aiming to master delegation right away, set a goal to ask one follow-up question each day. Even if this feels small or insignificant, starting in this way builds momentum. Over time, the small, consistent actions lead to meaningful progress. It’s the act of starting, not the size of the action, that creates momentum and allows us to achieve more substantial goals in the long run.

More, better, new

When evaluating how to advance in your work or personal goals, you generally have three options:

a) You can do more of what you’re currently doing, increasing your output or volume.

b) You can do what you’re currently doing better, focusing on improving quality, efficiency, or skill.

c) You can apply your current skills or efforts in a new environment, exploring different opportunities or contexts where you can make an impact.

I think each path offers different ways to grow, and the best choice depends on your current situation, goals, and where you believe you can make the most progress. Are you stuck? Contact me via email for a confidential discovery meeting.

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Mindset matters

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What are the triggers that influence where we fall on the fixed versus growth mindset continuum?

Mindset is shaped by a set of beliefs, and those beliefs are influenced by the people around us and the environment we’re in. It's important to understand that mindset isn’t just about effort. Simply telling ourselves to "try harder" doesn’t lead to true growth. A genuine growth mindset involves putting in effective effort - understanding whether the work you're doing is moving you towards your goals. I think it also means being open to seeking help, guidance, or coaching from others and being willing to pivot or adapt to learn, grow, and achieve the goals you’ve set.

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How is change created?

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Key questions for change:

  1. What specific change are we trying to make?

  2. Who are we aiming to influence?

  3. Given our agreed-upon constraints and goals, is there a better path forward to reach our destination?

To proceed, we need clarity on the following:

  • Constraints:
    What are the limitations or boundaries we’re operating within?

  • Objectives:
    What are the precise goals we are working toward?

  • Target Audience:
    Who are we trying to affect or change?

Without alignment on these key points, productive conversation becomes difficult. If we’re not on the same page, we risk revealing that we’re metaphorically on different journeys (or buses), heading in different directions. Contact me via email for a confidential conversation about your journey.

Some life lessons

I don’t use Tick-Tock but my children do, so sometimes I am confronted with some things to ponder, for example…

  • "Life is 100% better when no one knows anything about you."
    Privacy can bring clarity and peace of mind. Guard it as you guard your ambition.

  • "You shouldn’t take advice from people who are not where you want to be in life."
    Only follow the footsteps of those who have walked the path you aim to conquer.

  • "Everyone will show you who they are; just give them time."
    Patience reveals truth. Be observant, and let time expose true intentions and character.

  • You must be smart enough to create your own opportunities. Why wait for someone else to offer you what you desire when you have the ability to create it yourself?

  • “The secret of happiness is freedom, and the secret of freedom is courage.”
    To achieve freedom, be courageous enough to act, to fail, to rise, and try again.

  • "You will always have problems."
    Life will throw challenges, but you have the power to adjust your perception. Will you cry in the storm or dance in the rain?

““Lessons in life will be repeated until they are learned.””
— Unknown

3-2-1

Three essential rules for achieving success:

  1. Know precisely what you want
    Clear goals keep you focused and prevent distractions from deterring you.

  2. Determine the cost of what it will take to get it
    Success requires sacrifice—understand the price before committing to your path.

  3. Don’t bargain over price
    Once the cost is known, be ready to invest your time, effort, or resources without hesitation.

Life-long learner

Both Jamaican and Danish cultures value humility. I was raised to stay grounded and not "get too big for my boots." Humility is important, but sometimes you need to set it aside and remember that sharing your accomplishments isn't bragging if you’ve done the work.


I’ve learned that the less I strive for perfection, the easier it is to connect with people. Recently, Casper Emil from SparkForce gave a masterclass for my Brotherhood for Professionals of Color (BPoC) community, and he encouraged us to share our personal brand with more people. Now, I am posting on LinkedIn on a regular basis - wish me luck.

Health is your wealth

Being wealthy and feeling wealthy are two very different experiences. While many in the West enjoy material abundance, we are currently facing an epidemic of loneliness and emotional isolation. Suicide rates are rising, and the pervasive sense of despair has driven people to search for meaning and connection in various ways. Practices like yoga and mindfulness have gained immense popularity as individuals seek spiritual fulfilment and mental clarity. At the same time, others turn to more destructive outlets like drugs and alcohol to numb their pain. This growing crisis highlights a deeper societal issue: despite our material wealth, there is a profound lack of emotional well-being and community, underscoring the need for more meaningful forms of connection and purpose in our lives. Contact me via e-mail if you are  feeling isolated, anxious, worried or stressed?