The looking-glass self concept

A lot of what we experience in the world today is challenge because of how we see ourselves. According to sociologist Charles Horton Cooley, individuals develop their concept of self by observing how they are perceived by others, a concept Cooley coined as the “looking-glass self.” I agree that behavior and self esteem are dictated by a person's predictions of how they’ll be perceived by others. In other words, we live in a perception of a perception of ourselves, for example, if I think that you think that I am smart, then I am smart. And in contrast, if I think that you think that I am dumb, then I think that I am dumb.

 

The challenge is we are basing what we think about ourselves on what we think someone thinks of us. And the greatest challenge with this is how do you have any idea if what you think someone thinks about you is even true. This is where identity struggles, we start pursuing things in life because we think other people value them. Go to the root of the issue, it’s easy to say just take two of these a day or maybe you just need to do this, but when you look at it from the root perspective we have look at where our challenges arise.

““The challenge today is I’m not what I think I am. I’m not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am.””
— Charles Horton Cooley

Overcoming a crisis

If you are living a busy life, you are likely to experience a problem every 2-3 months throughout your life, for example, business crisis, family crisis, financial crisis, health crisis and other crisis’s. The problems and crisis’ never stop, they will keep coming like the waves of the ocean, and the only thing you have in your control are your responses to these problems and crisis’. Successful people respond effectively to problems and unsuccessful – I mean ineffective – people do not. Successful people take a deep breath and respond accordingly, they look for the good in every situation and they focus on finding a solution – “What can be done?” – rather than what has happened and who is to blame.

Complex interdependencies

Probability is a much healthier conversation than if I was to speak about risk, as the word risk conjures up a negative picture. The first rule of mathematics and statistics is that if there is anything unrepresentative about your sample set, you’ve got to compensate for it. And with marketing we tend to look at what happened last year rather than what’s going to happen next year, or in 5 years’ time. What we deal with as marketers is the future, and the future is to some degree unknowable. In fact, the only thing you can say with any certainty is the future is going to be very different from the past.

 

The speed at which change occurs varies, in some cases last year will be very similar to this year and in other times you may for example have a pandemic or a global inflation crisis, which means the future is unrecognisably different. The butterfly effect is the idea that small things can have non-linear impacts on a complex system. In other words, the butterfly effect rests on the notion that the world is deeply interconnected, such that one small occurrence can influence a much larger complex system.

Start of the week

I have decided to only post motivation blogs on Monday’s as it will help you start your week on a positive note. Choose what’s good for your soul, not for your ego as true power comes from uplifting others, not tearing them down. Your diet is not only what you eat, but also what you watch, listen to, and read, the people you hang out with and the things you subject your mind and soul to. Always be mindful of the things you put into your body emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

What now?

c/o Getty images

A wise man once told me: “Be careful who you let on your ship, because some people will sink the whole ship just because they can’t be the captain.” Based on what you now know, is this the best course of action? If not, what else could you do? Here’s a few tips on how to improve social skills:

1.    Say 'Thank you'
2.   Say 'Please'
3.   Listen without interrupting
4.   Do not brag
5.   Wait your turn
6.   Choose kind over clever
7.    Hold doors open longer
8.   Forgive first
9.   Talk less, but say more
10.  Show gratitude
11.  Do not respond to negativity
12.  Be humble

The confidence gap

It’s not a weakness or character flaw to be wrong, make a mistake or change your mind. In fact, in areas of knowledge, technology and competition, it’s a mark of courage, character and flexibility to be willing to cut your loses quickly and practice the reality principle in everything you do. I think that once you say I was wrong or I made a mistake or I changed my mind, the issue is largely over. One must be prepared to deal with the world as it is rather than the way you wish it were or the way it might have been in the past. Face the truth whatever it is and be honest with yourself and everyone around you. Always be open to reevaluating your goals and objectives in the light of new information, technology, or competition.

Be extremely clear

Write down your goals, the more detailed the better and be flexible about the process of achieving them. Always be open and remain sensitive to the possibility of serendipitous events and I think, one should also be open to inspiration and inputs from other people. The best leaders I have encountered share some of the same characteristics, they are good listeners, they ask lots of questions and they take in all the information possible before making up their minds or concluding. When they make a mistake, these leaders also admit failure and cut their losses quickly so that they can move onto bigger and better things.

,

Silent and listen

,

Image c/o Adobe stock photos

Maybe you’ll stand up and applaud a speaker you agreed with or just sit staring in silence after listening to a speaker you didn’t like. Now I think you are beginning to understand the complexity of listening and the great potential for errors. Acoustic ecologist, Gordon Hempton defines silence not as the absence of sound, but as the absence of noise from modern life. What do you think?

“The biggest threat to innovation is internal politics and an organisational culture which does not accept failure, and/or does not accept ideas from outside, and/or cannot change.”
— Gartner Financial Services

A timeless gift

According to logic, the larger the haystack the more difficult it is to find a needle. Imagine a world where everybody could find their needle in a haystack, send me an e-mail to let me know what it looks like.

Moral of the Story: Be thankful for what you have. Be creative. Be innovative. Think differently and positively. When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile. Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear. Keep the faith and drop the fear.

““You must be the change you want to see in the world.””
— Mahatma Gandhi

Awakening slowly

Heading into a new year is a great time to take stock of where you've been and where you want to go. Studies show that self-awareness is a foundation for better decision-making, higher performance, and more effective, authentic leadership. As we grow spiritually, raising our consciousness, many of our painful experiences are simply growing pains. Everyone has perception, for example, when I see a tree, I see its beauty, the colours of the leaves, its shape, how it fits into the landscape. Another person frets because the tree is blocking their sea view. Each person’s perception is created from experiences, education, and belief systems. In this sense, we each live in our own world, defined by our perception and as we strive to improve our circumstances, we must strive to improve the world.

““We cannot teach people anything; we can only help them discover it within themselves.””
— Galileo Galilei

Saying it and doing it

Almost everything is easier said than done, wanting something is easy and saying something is easy. The challenge and the reward are in the doing, so do it anyway. Be humble enough to embrace the power of small things to make a difference. I think small, simple, and attainable is better than dramatic, complicated and out of reach. Many people confuse activity with action, it’s time to stop making excuses and realise that the power is in the doing, not in the talking. My advice is to do it,  don’t make excuses, don’t put it off, just do it.  

““And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.””
— Roald Dahl

Dreams inspire the soul

Happy New Year, may all your dreams and goals be fulfilled in 2023. When we have a clear, inspiring vision of our desired future, it can unlock energy and creativity to pull you ahead. To achieve our goals, we must know what and how to learn, then actively search for information in a consistent and purposeful way. We call short-term goals confidence builders, these are goals for the immediate future, for example, tomorrow, this week, this month, this year. In contrast, long term goals are our dreams and visions for the next 3 to 5 years.

  • Where do you want to go?

  • Where do want to be?

  • What do you want to see?

Contact me via e-mail for a 1:1 sparring.

Are you ready to be awakened?

I think that life experience and wisdom are born from emotional pain to help people navigate their own situations. I have genuine compassion for people, and have used introspection after setbacks to gain internal self-awareness. Some major things have happened in my life, and I have been blessed to have some amazing teachers to guide me through. I give back through coaching and have a major impact on people in crisis. I love writing and talking, and I just love seeing people break free from their “old story”. And in this process, I get genuine connection with people and the bulk of my clients are people having an existential crisis.

Birthday love

As a leader, it’s your responsibility to achieve success for the team and develop and empower others to become leaders themselves. Creating a leadership culture and empowering others to lead are crucial for long-term success and sustainability. I think the best leadership qualities are as follows:

L = Loyalty
E = Engagement 
A = Authenticity 
D = Dedication
E = Empathy
R = Respect
S = Service
H = Humility
I = Integrity
P = Perseverance

““Leadership is not about avoiding struggles, but about facing them with courage, resilience, and determination. The greatest leaders are those who embrace their challenges and use them as opportunities for growth and development.””
— LollyDaskal

Just another day

Marketing isn’t advertising or hype, it’s not shortcutting, it’s not selfish, it’s not pushing people to do things they don’t want to do! I define marketing as work that matters for people who care. It’s the work of making things better, doing things that you are proud of. I think marketing isn't about selling products; it's about solving problems and creating value for your customers.

·  Do not brag about how busy you are, instead let your work speak for itself.
·  Do not brag about how much you know, instead teach others.
·  Do not brag about who you know, instead connect like-minded people.
·  Do not brag about the past, instead celebrate the present.

Ideas and imagination

Everyone has great ideas and the better your vocabulary the better you can share ideas that are meaningful. Imagination is the first thing we must cultivate to manifest anything in our life. All ideas start with imagination, and I think all our joy has its origin in the imagination. And when we take the first step, those ideas can become reality with the proper execution strategy.

““Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.” ”
— Albert Einstein
,

Managing your emotions

,

Behave with emotional intelligence by acknowledging your feelings and thoughts, demonstrate healthy optimism, humility, and kindness, and only focus on what you can control. Sometimes we diminish our life experience and success by trusting our mind to solve everything. In reality, our intuition takes in way more information than our intellectual mind can process. This is why I think the wisest leaders rely on their mind, heart and experience.