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It's OK to take off your cloak

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I watched Glennon Doyle Menton’s “Lessons from a Mental Hospital” TED Talk last week, where she described her journey through anorexia, alcoholism and drugs to not being afraid of her feelings anymore. The talk ended with Glennon telling audience about an e-mail she received…”it's braver to be Clark Kent than it is to be Superman”. Powerful! I guess all superhero stories are a form of escapism and they allow us to imagine what we might do with the ability to fly and the courage that comes from being bulletproof. I think the best superhero stories also explore what it is to be human and our relationship with power.

The majority of humans don’t really want to be liars and withholders, they are just afraid to be real. I wonder why so few people tell the hard truth about themselves, their lives and their struggles? Is it because we are taught from an early age that it’s not safe to share the realness of our challenges? Is it because we are scared of being judged or is it because previous experience has taught us that honesty allows us to be scarred, alienated or rejected when we open up?

One of my close friends likes to speak about being authentic, I prefer to use the word, consistent. We may differ on the words but neither of us are afraid of the uncensored truth. We don’t have to walk in another man’s shoes to feel his pain! Due to my upbringing, training and conditioning I have the ability to sit in oneness with another who is in the deepest pain and find love and connection.

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The competency model for salespersons

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Do you want to have a career in sales? I think a modern salesperson requires these below 9 attributes and 8 skills if they want to be seen as competent sales professional.

The nine attributes are as follows:
1. Self-discipline
2. Optimism (attitude)
3. Caring (other-orientation)
4. Competitiveness
5. Resourcefulness
6. Initiative
7. Persistence
8. Communication, and
9. Accountability.

The skills are as follows:
a) Closing
b) Prospecting
c) Storytelling
d) Diagnosing
e) Negotiating
f) Business acumen
g) Change management, and
h) Leadership.  

While possessing these skills doesn’t guarantee success, they are critical for carrying out the daily duties of a sales professional. Are you interested in reviewing some of the competencies that are most beneficial your sales team? Contact me via e-mail to arrange a meeting or workshop.

Face it

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I was recently humbled when one of Danish my friends introduced me as a “knowledge seeking gentleman”. I’m fully aware that I have had a rich lifestyle and have always strived for excellence in everything I do, even so, to be honest I was a little taken aback. Does this mean that I am still not comfortable being the hero of the story, or are the words of coach John Wooden too deeply engraved in my consciousness?

“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are. - John Wooden”
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We all have issues

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Image c/o Afro-Punk

Image c/o Afro-Punk

Mental Health Awareness Month has been observed in the month of May since 1949 in the United States. I am in Europe and still thought it relevant to write a little about the topic. Those of you who are regular readers know that throughout my life I have continuously observed human behaviour and consider myself to be mentally strong. I have been exposed to trauma, stigma and systemic discrimination on a daily basis, so I wanted to highlight that we all make mistakes and no one is perfect. Rather than beat myself up for my mistakes, I focus on learning from them and accept full responsibility for my behaviour and then I choose to move forward in a productive manner. How do you feel about making mistakes?

Disclaimer: The content below is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
10 things mentally strong people won't do:

  1. They don’t dwell on mistakes.

  2. They don’t hang around negative people.

  3. They don’t stop believing in themselves.

  4. They don’t wait for an apology to forgive.

  5. They don’t feel sorry for themselves.

  6. They don’t hold grudges.

  7. They don’t allow anyone to limit their joy.

  8. They don’t limit the joy of others.

  9. They don’t get lazy.

  10. They don’t get negative or bitter.

Don’t let the world make you hard, don’t let the pain make you hate and don’t let the bitterness steal your sweetness.

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Mind the gap

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One of the big lessons I learned from the pandemic has been patience - “Make do now and then make better later”. We measure success by the way we touch the lives of people and now I realise that everything I learned about parenting was about leadership. Both parenting and leadership have the following attributes in common:
- Caring
- Listening
- Trusting
- Empowering
- Teaching
- Mentoring
- Leading

There is always going to be a gap between your ambition and your ability. The big question is are you willing to trust progress and not seek perfection? Contact me via e-mail to arrange a confidential meeting if you are questioning yourself about: Who you are, what you stand for and what you do for others?

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The devil is in the details

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As an astute executives we strive to develop a sound brand stories. A set of facts that describes how the brand differentiates, resonates with customers and inspires employees. We also recognise that to communicate and gain buy-in to those facts, we would have to create a set of intriguing, authentic signature stories, involving narratives with a strategic message. For example, a signature story perhaps about a founder, employee or customer that illustrates and provides credibility to the brand story.


Would you like to create a brand story that gains attention and diverts people from counter-arguing? Regardless of the industry, I think that brands should not compete on price, you should only compete on storytelling. Contact me via e-mail to arrange a confidential meeting when you are ready to create a clear, interesting and believable brand story.

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This is a journey

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Somebody once told me years ago, the greatest motivator is fear, and he meant in business. People need to be afraid of you and afraid that they are going to lose their job, otherwise they won’t do what they need to do. I think that’s terrible way to treat people and I don’t that’s for anyone. You want to work, you work for it, and you want to work for other people with the same conditions.

 

The most exciting part of life is learning, and being a better listener, being a better partner, being a better father, being a better leader, being a better friend, being a better colleague. We should all aspire to never be satisfied with where we are and always try to be better. I’m fully aware that things in business do not change overnight. It’s a momentum, it’s like exercise, it’s like parenting. It’s hard work and you don’t always get to see the results of all that labour, stress and sacrifice, but you get these little glimmers that you realise it’s all worth it, and that’s the point.

 

I don’t think it’s possible to overstate the importance, and the power, and the potential of creating a work environment where people feel valued and respected and have the opportunity to be fulfilled in their work. And it makes no difference whether you’re in the service or manufacturing business, at the end of the day everyone wants to be part of something. And if you give me an opportunity to play a meaningful role, I’m going to give you 150%. When you know somebody trusts you, it’s like you are raising your game to meet their expectations of you. And any organisation powered by people who care and are cared for is a lot better place to work, it’s a better place to buy things from, it’s just a better place.

Old dog...new tricks!

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In my early days of leadership, people centric thinking was not part of my business plan. I was a nice guy, I had a positive attitude but I wouldn’t say to you that I was sensitive to the impact of my initiatives on people. It was all about numbers and building shareholder value, not human value. My early days were very traditional, if I had to fire people - I just did it. I mean, that’s what you do in business! Unfortunately, that conventional thought still exists today, it’s not human, it’s just all about numbers.

I think the major problem with business leadership today is that there is no leadership; there’s a lot of management. It’s a very short-term attitude to just think about people as a resource that you pay and expect them to do their work. What will you lose if you take it from a human perspective? In reality we are responsible for the lives of human beings. And if you want to be cold-hearted about it, people who like coming to work are even more productive. People who feel safe and can trust the people they work with are more likely to offer bigger ideas, take better risks, be more innovative and more productive. That’s a whole host of good business reasons. When you are ready to look at your employees from a human perspective, just contact me via e-mail to arrange a confidential meeting.

Change is going to come

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This week has been rather turbulent, and made me realise that some people build bridges and some people pay a toll to use the bridge. There are more questions than answers and the more that I find out, the less I know.
- Why are we not taught how to build up a conversation?
- What would you say to this or that?
- How could you misinterpret this or that?
- How can I make this clearer?
- How will what I say make the receiver feel?



Before I attend a meeting I try to understand the following:
a) Who will be in the meeting?
b) What’s the objective?
c) What’s our meeting control plan?
d) What are we trying to achieve from this meeting?
Contact me via e-mail if you would like to discuss meeting structures. The purpose of why we are here today is…
The objective for me today is…
The takeaways that I would like you to leave with are…

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Growth is a process!

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There is always room for improvement as you do not just wake up and become a beautiful butterfly (egg > caterpillar > pupa > butterfly). The process is called metamorphosis, a Greek word that means transformation or change in shape.

I think effective communication is when you are really good at delivering the message concisely. We all have a sales process, but in reality, we are not going to dictate to the buyer without creating an incentive for them to bow to our sales process. I always ask myself, “What is the 1% that I want the buyer to walk away with?” Being an effective communicator through stories is an ideal way to differentiate and may lead to the buyer relaying your story to the end-users. This is a skill that I am constantly trying to master - slowing down to speed up.


Sales is a profession and you have to put in the work just like a professional athlete. In sales the outcome is not solely based on the performance, sometimes the performance can be awesome and the outcome mediocre. It’s incredibly valuable to evaluate your sales calls and process. Contact me via e-mail to arrange a meeting or workshop about building your sales process and self reflection tools.

Prospect theory

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The Prospect Theory was developed by Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky in 1979. It’s a behavioural model (psychology theory) that describes how people make decisions when presented with alternatives that involve risk, probability and uncertainty. See video below for a one minute explanation.

People usually make decisions based on a perfectly rational evaluation of the potential gains and losses that are associated with that decision. The pain of losing something is stronger than the pleasure of gaining something. Our risk tolerance are different based on the decisions we face. When we are speaking about possible gains we tend to be risk averse, in other words, we will choose options that provide lower expected returns and more certainty. Whereas when the decision is about potential losses we tend to be risk seeking. Which means we will accept the lower than expected value as long as we feel we have some potential to avoid losses.

Persuasion is one of the most important tools in life

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According to Dr. Robert Cialdini’s book, “Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion” there are 6 universal principles of successful influence.

  1. Reciprocity - People want to say “yes” to those who have given to them first, they feel obligated to give back.

  2. Liking - Find commonalities as we prefer to say “yes” to people we like. In a negotiation scenario, finding that common goal ensures that we are more likely to get a better deal.

  3. Authority - We prefer to say “yes” to those individuals who demonstrate competence and are experienced in a particular area.

  4. Social Proof - If our peers are doing something then automatically we think it’s probably a good choice for us.

  5. Scarcity - We want those things that are scarce, rare and not easily accessible.

  6. Consistency - Commitment to being consistent with what we have already said or done publicly.



Persuasion skills are essential for success in every stage of life and are some of the most important skills that you can develop. Persuasion is NOT the ability to convince your opponents to see things your way, that’s manipulation. I think relationships are formed by our ability to listen to others and work in their best interests, and expertise comes with knowledge and experience.


There are some fundamental steps for improving your persuasion skills! I’m currently teaching my son how to frame his position when making a presentation, so that it highlights its benefits to all the stakeholders. And whatever you say must be backed up with evidence, in my opinion, metaphors and storytelling are best when you want to emotionally connect with your audience. Contact me via e-mail, if you are serious about improving your persuasion skills when negotiating mutual solutions.

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The Sun is a pretty big star

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Life is not about darkness or light, rather its about finding the the brightest star within your unconscious and creating a galaxy. I think everyone is made up of light, we simply need to find our best way to shine. When your words and actions match, people know they can trust you, so there is o need to make false promises. 

Sales people are not criminals and are usually not doing anything sneaky. Sales is a method used to align clients and customers to goods and services. The complex sale has many different stakeholders involved in the decision making process, on the other hand, the simple sale is when selling to an individual decision maker. As a sales person we must understand that it’s not a straight line from where we are to what we want. Most sales people are trained in the “old fashioned” way moving from presentation > demo > proposal > negotiation > close. How many people want to buy that way? We as individuals do not buy that way, we look at reviews and recommendations from our social circle.

Today, we are living in a high stimulus world! Everyone appears to be stimulus rich and context poor. I think competence is dependent on context and ask myself on a daily basis - How can I add value and become tremendously impactful? Do you really care about your customers? What you are selling can be anything and the value proposition can be pretty subjective. Contact me via e-mail to arrange a meeting or workshop, and learn about why you should show up prepared and the benefits of demonstrating authenticity.

I will leave a legacy

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I want to leave a legacy because my life matters and my legacy will be passed on by the people that I have met on my journey. My legacy is pouring whatever I have experienced into whoever is listening and that’s proof that I was here. And if at the end of my life I have added something to your life that made you move forward then I contributed towards your journey. Whenever anyone asks about your journey, you will tell them about this guy you met and that’s how we as people have survived for centuries. My forefathers withstood slavery and so many other atrocities because in the mindst of all the horrendous things we experienced, we still clapped our hands and sang our songs. We still managed to be creative and we are still here! My people have been through lynching, rapes, burnings and killings. My legacy is that we danced and sang and survived. We had opposition, trouble and tears, and I don’t have to write anymore about that.

Agony will always find you on its own, its ecstacy and happiness that has to have your name on it. I’m sending you the potential to go beyond agony to the ecstacy of fulfilling everything you were created to be and that’s my legacy. It’s in the people that heard me, it’s in my children, it’s in my friends and colleagues. I write like I speak and it always sounds like I am having a conversation with a friend. I’m easy to find both online and offline, and if you can't find me it’s because I’m dead. I will be fruitful as long as I’m alive and can move, making the best use of my resources and time.

It’s all OK

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I’ve learned how to tap dance around all the mental traps that most people who look like me tend to fall for. I always seek the beauty in things and still have this wonderful curiosity and excitement when meeting new people. Everyone has a different emotional thermostat which has been regulated by how they were raised, and developed by the traumas they may or may not have experienced.


I’ve been training for years and years to develop practical empathy as people don’t know what I know, and I don’t know what they know and I am comfortable with that. I am constantly asking questions:
- What do they know?
- What do they need?
- What happened to them that led them to believe that in this moment they are being reasonable?

I think that if we can ask ourselves these question enough times, then not only will it help us make change, it will also help us to contently live with the world as it is. We can’t change the whole world, so if we try to understand it as it is, then it will be easier to decode it and figure out a way to make it better. Contact me via e-mail to arrange a meeting in confidentiality.

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When you label me, you deny me!

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We are so obsessed by what was and I think that it’s something to be said if you are living and learning. You have to deal with cross generational realities even though we’re in different stages of life. Just because I am a person of faith it doesn’t mean that I don’t have moments of doubt. And because you may be a person of doubt, it doesn't mean you don’t have moments of faith. It takes faith to sit down on a chair, I don’t know anybody who checks a chair to see whether it will bear their weight before sitting down. You cannot exist without faith!

“Once you label me you negate me. - Søren Kierkegaard ”

Once we learn to label and we teach what that label means, now we’re trying to live up to being in that label. You have a gift and don’t lock it up inside just to please a small group of people. Keep speaking until somebody listens, keep singing until somebody claps and keep painting until somebody stares.

Looking ahead

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Back in the days, James Brown sang “I Don't Want Nobody To Give Me Nothing (Open Up The Door I'll Get It Myself).” I advise you take his words to heart and never beg anybody for anything - go out and create it for yourself. Your future is not dependent on what you lost, it is going to be decided on what you have left. If you spend all your time doing the inventory on what you lost, you will never count up what you have left and what you have left is enough to build something greater than where you are.

I know that you have all the rich experiences that come through atrocities you survived. You are stronger, you are wiser, you’ve proven things to yourself that you wouldn't have learned any other way. You can overcome everything that has happened to you and this gives you confidence to know that if you went through all of this, then you can walk through that door with confidence. Start looking ahead as no-one drives forward looking through the rear view mirror. Contact me via e-mail to arrange a personal meeting.

““When the student is ready the teacher will appear. When the student is truly ready, the teacher will disappear.” - Tao Te Ching”

Your DNA does not change

via The Guardian

via The Guardian

We all have the same DNA sequence as when we were born, what makes each of us unique is the interplay between our DNA and environment. My experiences have taught me that it’s not, '“Can you go with me, it’s can you grow with me?” It’s only when we have shared philosophies, the seasons will change our reality. Unfortunately, many of us keep trying to hold onto our last season without discovering the beauty of the season we are in now. Eternal youth is not real, there is nothing wrong with being 40, especially if you explore 40 and re-pivot into the beauty of being 40. And if you are still in doubt, just ask an 80 year old.


Stages and ages have repercussions on how we get along. We are constantly in motion, we are constantly evolving and are constantly becoming, so we should not look back at the transition with envy. I think getting older is something that should be celebrated and getting old is a gift. Sometimes we forget that, and as time goes on is inevitable, it’s not going to stop for us. I think we can either embrace the process or not and personally, I don’t want to miss the beauty of grey hair and love through wrinkled eyes.

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Communication can unite us

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We all have something to offer but we don’t always have the ability to release it and if it doesn't get out then it may eat you up on the inside. Nobody can live life and not gather experience, and out of those experiences come conclusions and to share those conclusions is to create growth. I have been told throughout my life that the more you give away the more you will receive, this is also the fundamental value of most religions.

Nowadays we have the ability to go into silos of our choice and interact with people who think like us, dress like us and feel like us. You can get your news delivered to you in your flavour or colour, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I think the only problem is when you think that your news is absolute and because we have 24 hours news cycles, and we also have technology that collects our behavioural data and via algorithms directly associates you with your interests. This in turn starts pushing information to you that further supports whatever you were searching for. And this provides a false reality, a reality where you think the world thinks like you.

“Music is the most powerful form of communication in the world. It brings us all together. Even religion separates us, but a hit record unites us across religious beliefs, race, politics. - Sean Combs ”

As we become more tribalistic, we also become more animalistic! Think about how many things have been created to divide us and how few things that has been created to unite us. I think we have to keep speaking to each other, even if we have different opinions, and stop living behind the walls of the labels we put on ourselves.