Many coaching session starts with this question: What would be important for you to achieve in this session?
The goal belongs to the client, not the coach. Perhaps they want to be seen differently as a leader, have a difficult conversation, understand a recurring reaction, gain more confidence, or simply make sense of something that is happening.
From there, we explore. I listen carefully to what they are saying, reflect what I am hearing, and ask questions that help them look at the situation from different perspectives. We explore the thoughts, emotions, assumptions, beliefs and behaviours sitting beneath the issue.
Sometimes I might say: “This is what I hear you saying. I wonder if this is what is happening underneath it, but I could be wrong.”
The aim is not for me to provide the answer. It is to help the person discover something for themselves. When they say, “I get it,” I might ask: “What is it that you have got?” That question matters, as articulating the new awareness helps turn an insight into something they can actually use.
Then we move towards action: What are you going to do with this awareness? What will you do differently? What are you willing to commit to?
Coaching creates a space where you can put your dreams, fears, emotions and assumptions on the table, step back from them, and ask: What is really going on here? I think this is where clarity begins.
Assumption is the mother of all mess ups
We are all seeking satisfaction, safety and belonging. I am fundamentally an optimist and part of being optimistic is keeping one's head pointed towards the sun and one's feet moving forward. The majority of us are focused on “what we know and what to do”, whereas the minority are focused on “what’s possible”. Our status and self esteem goes up because we can brag and boast about what we are doing.
I think the essential component of success is self awareness, introspection and reflection. The most truly successful people have it as they always gain wisdom along their journey. Perhaps the real gift of success are not economic gains and fame, but the wisdom and life lessons.
Nowadays, if you are not a millionaire no one is interested in your advice. In that case, I should shut up and concentrate on making some money. Sorry! I’m going to give you some advice: When you don’t know something, immediately say “I don’t know.” It shows confidence and you will keep on learning and growing and succeeding. Then say, "I will find out."