self-confidence

Confidence comes from service

I think that one of the most effective ways to become a more confident speaker is to stop making the presentation about yourself. Many people worry about how they look, whether they sound intelligent, or what the audience is thinking about them. The irony is that the more we focus on ourselves, the more self-conscious we become. Instead, shift your attention to the people in front of you. Ask yourself:
a) How can I help?
b) What value can I provide?
c) What do they need to hear today?

When your focus moves from seeking approval to serving others, your confidence naturally begins to grow. You become more present, you listen more carefully, and your communication becomes more authentic because your attention is on the audience rather than your own performance. The same principle applies in everyday conversations as people who make others feel heard are often perceived as confident, not because they dominate the discussion, but because they are genuinely interested. Curiosity creates connection, and connection builds trust.

Confidence is rarely something we discover overnight. It is something we develop through learning, preparation, and repeated practice. The more we focus on creating value for others, the less we worry about how we are being perceived. In my experience, confidence is not about having all the answers. It is about showing up with the intention to help.

““To be interesting, be genuinely interested.””
— Burrellism

Quality over quantity

There is something to be said for people who maintain a small circle of trusted relationships. They understand that quality matters more than quantity and that meaningful connection is worth far more than popularity. Their confidence is not dependent on external validation or the approval of others. It comes from a strong sense of self, built through experience, reflection, and an understanding of their own values.

They are comfortable spending time alone, not because they are isolated, but because they are grounded. They are selective with their time, energy, and attention, recognising that these are finite resources. This is not about exclusion; it is about intentionality. They tend to walk away from unnecessary drama, avoid gossip, and protect the peace they have worked hard to create. They do not feel compelled to chase every opportunity, maintain every connection, or seek approval from every audience.

I think that there is a quiet strength in knowing who you are, what matters to you, and where you choose to invest your energy. When you meet someone with a small circle, do not assume loneliness. Sometimes it reflects self-awareness, discipline, and a deep appreciation for the value of genuine relationships.

St. Patricks Day

Confidence doesn’t come from seeking approval, it doesn’t come from likes, compliments or from someone telling you that you are good enough. Confidence develops from action, it comes from proving yourself through your own effort that you are capable. The more you take action for yourself the less you’ll require external validation from others. Confidence is a skill that you can build like a muscle via practice. It’s a good idea to make small, deliberate choices every day.

Learn and unlearn

The way you speak to yourself directly shapes how you feel about yourself, and your life tends to mirror the identity you hold internally. The brain does not clearly distinguish between what is real and what is vividly imagined. When you visualise a calm, confident, and capable version of yourself, I think you are actively reinforcing new neural pathways.

““People want to be around you, not because of what you know or what you have, but because of how you make them feel.””
— Burrellism

Confronting your fears

I have learned that when you confront your fears and move towards what you are afraid of, your fears diminish whilst at the same time your self-esteem and self-confidence increases. However, when you avoid the thing you fear, the fear grows, and it will begin to control every aspect of your life. And as your fear increases, your self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-respect diminishes accordingly. Therefore, I think that if you do not do the thing, you fear then fear will control your life. Contact me via e-mail to book coaching, mentoring or 1:1 sparring sessions.