relationship

Two forms of career currency

In most organisations, career progression is influenced by two forms of currency: performance currency and relationship currency.

Performance currency is what gets you noticed, it is built through results, expertise, execution, and delivering value. Strong performance can lead to recognition, increased responsibility, higher compensation, and promotion opportunities. It may also attract sponsors; people who advocate for you in rooms where you are not present and help create opportunities for your advancement.

Relationship currency is different as it influences how others perceive your readiness for leadership, whether people trust your judgment, whether teams are willing to follow you, and whether stakeholders believe you will succeed in a larger role.

I think that many leadership decisions are made under conditions of uncertainty. When people are assessing potential, not just past performance, relationships often shape those judgments. Trust, credibility, and influence become important factors in the decision-making process. The most successful leaders understand that performance and relationships are not competing priorities. Performance creates credibility, relationships create opportunity and sustainable career growth requires both.

It's not my bike

In her book, “The Will to Change,” bell hooks argues that many men are socialised to view love as something that must be earned through performance rather than practised through connection. As she writes, "Males are not allowed simply to be who they are and to glory in their unique identity. Their value is always determined by what they do." When self-worth becomes closely tied to achievement, status, or provision, relationships can begin to feel transactional. The focus shifts from connection and vulnerability towards performance and validation. Over time, this can limit a person's capacity for intimacy and create emotional distance from both themselves and others.

What I find particularly interesting is that these patterns are not exclusive to men. Many women also learn to tie their worth to performance, achievement, or the expectations of others. The underlying challenge is human rather than gender-specific: when we measure our value primarily by what we do, we can lose sight of who we are. I think healthy relationships, whether personal or professional, are built on mutual respect, trust, and genuine connection. They thrive when people feel valued not only for their contribution, but also for their humanity. Perhaps one of the most important questions we can ask ourselves is this: Are we relating to others as people, or are we evaluating them through a lens of utility, performance, and expectation?

ABC = Always Be Contracting

Many clients are not fully aware of what coaching can offer. This is why I aim to engage them as active partners in the coaching process. Through collaborative inquiry, we explore what the most meaningful and beneficial work could look like for them. For example,
What would open a deeper sense of purpose in their lives?
How can they grow their capacity as leaders?
Who else needs to be involved?
Which additional voices can help us understand the wider system in which they operate?

This is the essence of multi-stakeholder contracting. Together we discover what will make the coaching valuable for the client, their future, and their broader network of stakeholders. Contracting is not a single event at the beginning of a coaching relationship. It is a continuous practice that ensures alignment, relevance, and impact throughout the journey.

Impact vs effort

One of the keys to long-term success is building with complementary skill sets. If you’re a start-up founder, you need partners who excel at the things you can’t, not another version of yourself. Having joint CEOs almost always leads to competition, power struggles, and conflict. I think the most sustainable partnerships are built on differences that strengthen each other. In my experience, 90% of successful relationships come down to selection. When you develop accurate self-knowledge and learn how to truly discern the strengths of others, you can create fulfilling, high-performing relationships with a wide range of people.

Are you interested in hearing more? Contact me via email if you would like to book a complimentary 30 minute session.