pain

Pain vs. suffering

I have come to think of pain and suffering as two very different experiences. Pain is often what we go through when we choose to move whereas suffering can be what happens when we choose to stay. Sometimes suffering is the regret of the things we would have done if we had been willing to endure the pain required to do them. Leaving a situation can be painful. Having a difficult conversation can be painful. Starting again can be painful. Going to the gym can be painful. Yet, I rarely regret those experiences because I understand why I am experiencing the discomfort and the soreness reminds me that I did something that required effort.

Pain can be an accelerant to better times as sometimes the short-term discomfort is the price we pay for long-term freedom, growth or peace. The danger comes when we try to avoid both pain and suffering and we withdraw, and become numb. We stop taking risks, stop having difficult conversations and stop making the decisions we know we need to make. Avoiding pain does not necessarily mean we avoid suffering. Maybe this is why I walk towards the pain so I can avoid the suffering.

““We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.””
— Jim Rohn

The twin forces of human behaviour

Illustration: E. Wikander/Azote

Illustration: E. Wikander/Azote

The primary motivating factor behind all human behaviour is the desire to avoid pain and the desire (or need) to gain pleasure. My values are “old school”, as I think selling is the process of motivation after you have discovered the reasons why the buyer should buy your products or services. Those of you who are from my school of thought, believe that people don’t buy needs, they buy wants. And then the big question is, how do you build tremendous wants for your products?


We know that if you can make people want your products or services badly enough, they will find a way to justify their purchase. For example, online shopping for luxury goods has soared, doubling its market share from 12% in 2019 to 23% in 2020. This indicates the profound shift in consumer behaviour as well as the results of people shopping from home due to Covid 19. The key to succeeding in these times will be for brands to meet customers’ expectations in a more seamless manner across all of their channels. Especially as brands contend with store closures, travel disruptions and ongoing threat of future lockdowns. Contact me via e-mail for workshops around improving your online customer support, click and collect initiatives and contactless payment procedures.


The morning blues

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It’s Monday morning and for most people it’s unpleasant to go back to work after a relaxing weekend. I have heard it through the grapevine that I am irritating as I am one of the outliers who wakes up with a smile on my face and gratitude in my heart. It’s actually none of my business and I promise that my teachings are not about “waking you up” to the joys of life, in fact, my thing is to do my thing. If you find inspiration from it, then that’s fine and if you don’t, then that’s too bad! I think people’s brains are wired differently depending on how they naturally approach the act of retrieving information.

Even the best psychologists know that people really don’t want to be cured, what they really want is relief as a cure is too painful. We all know that there are strong individual differences in how people remember…

“The nature of rain is the same, but it makes thorns grow in the marshes and flowers in the gardens.”
— Arab proverb

Pleasure & Pain

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The two P’s of motivation are pleasure and pain. I think that people buy products or services for one or two reasons and there are hundreds of books out there around the psychology of selling. In my experience, people buy products or services either to move closer to pleasure or to move further away from pain.

Nowadays it appears that marketers focus all their attention on marketing towards the pleasure, it may also be extremely effective for marketers to target solutions which moves the consumer further away from pain. It’s unrealistic to think that we are going to live our lives in a solely pleasurable way, so brands need also to look at their consumers pain points. Contact me via e-mail for an introspection into your buying process.