I am not an expert. I am simply a human stumbling through life, learning from the people I meet and the experiences I have along the way. One of the things I have learned, particularly from spending time with professional athletes and asking them how they respond under pressure, is the importance of what happens in the body before we try to change what is happening in the mind.

When we experience pressure, our emotional state can show up physically: tension, a racing heart, shallow breathing, a feeling of being on edge. The athletes I spoke to described the importance of releasing that tension, grounding themselves and becoming present before they perform. They were not trying to convince themselves that everything was fine. They were creating the physical and mental conditions that allowed them to perform at their best. That made me think about emotional choice differently. Rather than immediately asking, “What should I say to myself?”, I think we should first ask: What am I feeling about this situation and this person? And what emotion do I want to bring into the room?